Heath Cordes

You walk into your manager's office.

They let you know that they're pregnant.

He hands you a pamphlet from HR on how to get an abortion.

You're confused.

You never said anything about an abortion.

Instead of throwing you a gender reveal, they throw you a decision reveal.

You realize that there's no return on investment on maternity leave, but there is an ROI on sending that bitch on a $4,000 vacation tomorrow should one of you guys come inside tonight.

A little bit about me in case you guys want to go to Puerto Rico.

I'm 4'11 in heels, 120 pounds with a six-week fetus inside of me, and 115 pounds when I squirt it out.

Or at least I think that's how medical abortions work.

I don't know.

We don't have access to them anymore.

Hell yeah.

We're good.

We're good.

We're good.

Hell, yeah.

That's how we get rid of them in this city.

abortion whichever you want to whichever i don't i don't know as soon as that question got to my mouth i i in my head i said abort question but i fucking right i wouldn't know we can't get them here so uh hopefully soon i'll find out uh how long you've been in austin how about that um i moved here for uh three years ago during the pandemic uh i was in la we did a shitty uh bar show together once like in north hollywood hell yeah

You are not wrong.