Helen Bauer
speaker
691 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Sep 2025
last heard Sep 2025
Helen Bauer’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
What Did You Do Yesterday? with Max Rushden & David O'Doherty · S3 EP13: Helen Bauer · 14 Sep 2025
podcast
It's like concertinas, but it can't fully stretch itself out.
The door is wanting to stretch.
Oh, I love that you think I have stairs.
No, it's like the water comes out onto the floor, but then it doesn't go everywhere because the floor clearly, because this has happened for years, has a dip in it.
Oh, nice.
The dip where the floor's eroded away makes a little pool, a little pool of stagnant water.
I'm the landlord.
I am.
He called me yesterday, the bathrooms man, actually, but I was busy, as you're about to find out.
So shut the fuck up.
Do you honestly want to know what I do?
I get out of the shower, I get on the bath mat, and then I just sort of like push the bath mat.
I just leave it.
Brilliant.
Why are you making me feel disgusting?
David, to be clear, I wasn't upset by the all fours farts.
It was the ones where you decided to roll and with each roll upwards of the ass you farted.
Whereas it would just make more sense to fart into the ass.
We don't have any breakfast.
I'm watching City Mapper trying to figure out the buses.
Showing 101–120 of 691 · page 6 of 35
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