Jake Steinfeld

When you're rich and you do the man show, you get nothing but gag gifts.

And the gag gift is not only potentially embarrassing, but it really serves no master.

There's nobody you can drop it off to.

It's like, ah, this is great.

I'm taking it down to the goodwill.

So some unemployable guys with learning disabilities can fuck inflatable sheep.

I had, if you want to know, and obviously L.A.

not interested in solving its traffic woes, as Dave would say, because if they were, they would act like it instead of slow down a sobriety checkpoint.

And buzz driving is drunk driving, which I always say, if buzz driving is drunk driving, then sober driving is buzz driving.

We're all felons at this point.

Everyone gets kicked up one.

If I go from buzzed to drunk, then anyone who's sober has got to go to buzzed.

You suck it up a notch on the booze ladder.

You have to either be dead or not born yet and or stillborn.

So we were driving home.

This is the worst.

The worst is when it's on a Sunday.

you know, because there used to be, all right, we'll plan our trips around.

Well, don't go to San Diego on Friday.

Go to San Diego on Saturday when there's no traffic.