James Patterson
speaker
661 appearances
4 recordings
4 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard 5 Jun
James Patterson’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 2 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 1.
Appearances
Fun fact, he actually wrote the Toys R Us jingle when we were kids. Remember, I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us kid. Remember that thing? He sold 400 million books.
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Oh, my God, it's National Public Radio.
Okay.
Well, they just came through. You know, I have this prolific or prodigious imagination or whatever the heck it is. I call it a sickness. So, number one, I want to go with Charlie's kids' ideas. I know he wasn't keen on them, but this is called Bella and the Farting Ninjas. Oh, perfect. Okay. Bella is on a boat from Japan. She's with her person, and she calls her person her hold me, okay?
And they meet the farting ninjas on board. Bella thinks they're vulgar, uncivilized, juvenile, and stinky, of course. Months later, she's very lonely in New York. She's being kept in an umbrella stand more than she'd like to. And one day, her hold me pulls her out of the stand. And outside, a New York cop has turned on a fire hydrant in the street. What's this?
The farting ninjas are dancing in the hydrant spray. It looks like stinky fun. Bella and her hold me join them. Bella dances with the farting ninjas. Maybe they become briefly hold me's for her. Life is good, but stinky. Okay. Number two.
We're going to keep going. This takes place in Brooklyn. Number two.
Heavy accents. Bella, the umbrella. And Bella's purse and her hold me in this one is Luca. So we got Bella, the umbrella, and Luca. Okay. And Luca's grumpy and gloomy because it's a rainy day, and they walk the gloomy streets of Brooklyn until they end up in Coney Island. And they see hundreds of kids there, and all the kids, the holdmes, have umbrellas.
Bella's holdme dies. A sweet old lady. Beautiful death. The time was up. Bella goes to the funeral. She goes with her Her new Hold Me, the old lady's granddaughter. She's already liking this Hold Me so, so much. Life goes on. Until, of course, Bella's canopy or metal ribs start to break down, but we won't go into that. The fourth one, and this is the one I would do as the feature movie.
It's a beautiful rainy day. Bella couldn't be happier. This is heaven for her. Cars and trucks are coming by and splashing Bella and her Hold Me. Her Hold Me is not as happy about this as Bella is. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a heartbreaker for Bella. The sun is coming out. Blue skies. Sun. Bella doesn't know what to do. But her hold me heads to the beach. What's this?
Suddenly, Bella has a new purpose. She's what comes between her hold me and the damaging rays of the sun. Beautiful, Bella. Just beautiful. Now, I'm skipping a few. I'm skipping Bella and the blizzard. Bella and the two tsunamis. and Bella and the Deadpool episode. But there's so many ways to take this story. Wow.
All right. That's what we do. That's what we do here in the little workshop.
Yeah, I could write another 100 about Bella. We could probably do this about Bella. Every week we could come on and tell another Bella story.
Yeah, Deadpool, I want to do that one. It's a tsunami, big one, blizzard, big, unexpected.
All right, well, good for Charlie.
Yeah, which is great. I love working with her.
Just like this. I just do all the work, and they take credit on the cover. No. It varies with whoever I'm writing with.
I'm not going to work with Charlie, no. With all due respect.
Okay, we look, yeah, Charlie, good luck, and keep coming up with those wonderful ideas, and yeah. Stella the Umbrella is her sister.
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