James Sexton

And I actually think that that's probably not accurate.

Like I think that if we can be – because the really wonderful thing is when someone sees you –

you're good, you're bad, like not the character you're playing, but like the real you, like the real you, the good parts, the shit you need to work on, and they love you anyway.

Like that's love really worth having.

Like that's love you can really feel down to your toes and it's love that inspires in you, radiating that to the other person.

But I think that it's very easy for that spiral to go in the wrong direction because once you start to like,

shut off parts of yourself because you don't want to look at it or you don't want them to look at it maybe because it makes you feel weak or vulnerable and you think they won't love you or

By sharing it, you're afraid they'll have a weapon against you, like it's your soft spot and they'll know what it is and that's scary.

Same reason why some people don't want to be in therapy, because it's like, what am I afraid to feel?

What am I afraid to look at?

The best definition I ever heard of addiction was, addiction is any behavior you engage in to get away from feeling what you would have felt if you'd done nothing at all.

And for me, work is my favorite narcotic.

You know, anytime I'm super stressed, I'm like, oh, I'm great at work.

I'm just going to work.

I'm just going to work.

And I have friends that exercise.

It's like, oh, I'm just going to go to the gym.

I'll feel better if I just go to the gym.

The truth is, is that's actually a moment where you might need to just do nothing at all and feel what you're feeling.

And I think that that's the practice we have to cultivate in relationship.