Jeannie McKay
speaker
160 appearances
4 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Jeannie McKay’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I was okay looking. I wasn't dressed extra specially beautifully. I was pretty geeky looking at the start and probably still by the end. I was just an average kid.
I think he was sort of grooming everybody in a way. He was grooming them into his circle. He would have been grooming everybody into his crowd.
We would all go out for dinner between school and band practice. We would all have drinks. He would buy us drinks like crazy, like crazy. I remember, you know, all the childish drinks, the really sweet wines, the Southern Comfort, the Bailey's, the Singapore Sling kind of things. Nothing really sophisticated at all.
And he'd be drinking alongside of us, and we'd all be rip-roaring and driving, of course, back to band practice.
He would then be sharing the rude literature in the back in the band room, like the storage room.
And it was just really, really risque. And so the inner circles got smaller and smaller until he was certain he could make moves on people. And he'd be very, very touchy-feely, huggy with all the girls and all buddy-buddy with the guys.
Yeah.
And it was just so exciting. It was just so grown up. And we were so young. It was so naive, so very innocent. And it was, you look back and you realize that's so inappropriate. And at the time it was just so cool. He was able to really twist your thoughts.
I remember realizing that if I wanted that, it was possible. And so, yeah, that happened. Mm-hmm.
And we went parking in his car down, I think it was as the waterfront area was being developed. And we ended up making out in his back seat. And that's when it happened the very first time. Yeah. Yeah. What a, what a hideous human to take advantage because there I was a young, you know, hormonal kid.
He would control people with absolute sarcasm. And it turned out, sadly, it turns out that he was controlling my brother that way too, to try and prevent him from telling anybody. And I didn't really learn much about this until recently.
It's creepy. It's really creepy. Yeah. I had a circle of people that I hung with that I was friends with. But I didn't have a bosom buddy by any stretch. Didn't have a boyfriend. Didn't have those kinds of relationships that... That would have maybe made it harder for him to get to me because we would have talked about it and maybe a parent would have found out.
I remember at one point him saying something about, oh, so-and-so is on the pill. You could ask her about where you could go for that. Yeah. And so how would he know that if he hasn't already been working with her? And yeah.
I wasn't ashamed in high school. I was secret. I felt great because I was in the in crowd and I was doing cool things, really cool things. Like there were amazing musical experiences and times and trips and joy and happiness and laughs.
But... The shame didn't really come until shortly after when I started realizing how wrong it was.
It really played into my brain when my dad became ill with cancer. Because once we found out that it was terminal, all of a sudden, my youthful understanding of religion became, dad's going to find out. When he dies, he's going to know everything, and I'm going to go to hell. And that began actually a 40-year fear of dying and going to hell because dad would find out.
It wasn't even something I unpacked until I started getting professional help a year ago when this all started up again. And I think in the second session I had with her, we were talking about my religious beliefs at the time and how that impacted my day-to-day thoughts.
squashed it down into my psyche. And at night I would wake up sweating, thinking I was going to die. And I would wake up just in a panic. And the whole death thing was just some of that, you know, PTSD that I never knew about because I never put it together. And look at Anne-Marie. She's always felt sad that someone came after her because she felt like she hadn't done enough.
And that's heartbreaking because that's not her shame. That's not her guilt. It's all his.
I felt validated because my story wasn't, I wasn't alone in the world anymore.
Showing 21–40 of 160 · page 2 of 8
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