Jenny Taitz
speaker
303 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard 30 Mar
Jenny Taitz’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Mar 2026 with 1.
Appearances
What if the person says, so you don't want me to come? This is hard because there's so much in the book, but you have to do the dear man with also this best friend called give, which is like the give is the food for the relationship, which is being gentle, interested, validating, easy manner. So maybe the person says, so you don't want me to come? Of course I want you to come.
That's why I want to plan these really special dinners and want to make this time not with the chaos of the aunt that's staying for two days and the cousin that's coming for another day. And part of dear man is also calculating intensity because Because sometimes people are at the airport screaming at someone at a 10 when there's no seat. What are you going to do about that?
The person's not capable of giving you what you want. And so I also go through how to compute. Should you be at a one? Should you be at a 10? And someone might be pushing back because you're at a three and maybe you weren't a seven. And this is why I wrote this book, because a lot of people can't afford therapy or forget these when the cousin texts you.
And for you to have basically on like a post-it how to do this in the heat of the moment, because that is stressful. Having someone in your house that you don't want there.
I love that. And Monica, I think the thing that's great about that is then even being clear, my agenda here is self-respect. And even if someone's mildly annoyed, self-respect is my aim.
You can get what you want. You can get the relationship and you can get self-respect if you know how to do it.
In addition to learning how to deal with intense moments, whether your mind is making you miserable or your body feels like it's waging a war against you or you're doing things that are just spreading your stress. We also need to learn how to live a life that feels less stressful. We don't just want to go from like hard time to hard time.
And so buffers is almost like preventative medicine, the things we could do preemptively before the hard thing.
Yeah, so a body buffer, coming back to the promise of panic, if someone has panic attacks, one of the most research backed ways to treat panic is actually practicing panic. And so if someone feels like, oh my God, all of a sudden I'm short of breath, I'm really sweaty, I feel shaky, I feel dizzy, I feel kind of like dissociative, we can help you recreate those.
And so the worst thing to do is to try to calm down when your heart is racing, like that's really stressful. But if you practice, just imagine you take like a straw and you pinch it so it's narrow in diameter, like a tiny coffee stir size diameter where you could take a regular straw and make that happen. Close your nose and then just breathe from the small opening of the straw.
You could do that for 60 seconds. And you're like, whoa, I just made myself feel the way I sometimes feel out of the blue. And when it comes up out of the blue, I'm really spooked by it. If you practice recreating the sensations that you normally run from when they come up, You can kind of put out a welcome mat to them. You stop the loop of like really bad, go to the ER. This is dangerous.
This is getting worse. But instead it's like, okay, I can radically accept how I feel because I've tried this before. I've been here before. And so recreating your body's stress response so you can experience it without.
Yeah, or without the negative layer of interpretation. So I'm just so curious because you mentioned you had panic. I used to have full panic attacks. Have you tried this before?
Yeah. I mean, when someone comes to my office with panic, I'm not like a cocky person, but I'm like excited. I'm like, I can treat this. And this doesn't take very long. I mean, panic again is your body's doing its thing and you're hyper focusing on it. It's almost like the Chinese finger trap if you stop fighting.
And this is my thing. It's like if you were taking a benzodiazepine, you might have never learned that lesson. You could learn this lesson in life. The panic exercises that I'm recommending take about five minutes and then you would just need to replicate. Again, this is not a random thought by Jenny Tates. This is in the Unified Protocol, which is a gold standard treatment for panic attacks.
And it applies across the board. Like if you have those symptoms before giving a speech or before flying or during flying, you can still change your body's stress response.
So many to choose from, but one of my favorites is called a chain. If you make a mistake, instead of doing one of two things, which I think a lot of us are prone to doing, a lot of us oversimplify like, oh yeah, no big deal. I'll do better tomorrow. Or we struggle with this thing called the abstinence violation effect of like, I can't do it. It's too much. Like I messed up once.
Like I don't have it in me.
Yeah. You can take a moment to like literally write down, even if you took a piece of paper and folded it in half vertically, what was the sequence of events? What made you more vulnerable? Like I didn't sleep well, didn't exercise, didn't eat breakfast. This thing happened. I did this. Write down exactly what happened, almost like you're rewinding a tape with compassion.
And then you can go and... create solutions at every step along the way.
Showing 241–260 of 303 · page 13 of 16
← Previous
Next →