Josh Johnson

Like, I thought you had the best health report of all time.

Now you're telling me fingers are falling off like it's autumn?

Now, you might think this is just a stack of blank papers, or maybe if you're feeling generous, pictures of boobs.

But this file was actually filled with Trump's accomplishments, which is why Trump treated it with the respect, care, and pride it deserved.

Wow, okay.

Turns out Trump hates reading more than he loves bragging.

All right.

But look, whether you love what Trump's done the past year or hate it, he has been busy.

Let's hear about some of these incredible accomplishments.

Notorious crackhead?

That may seem harsh, but name another famous crackhead from the last five years.

I'll wait.

To be fair, the bar on crackhead notoriety is pretty low.

Most people don't know the names of too many crackheads.

Hell, most crackheads I know don't even know their own names.

But look, Donald Trump is not about the past.

This man is about America's future.

Bringing one crackhead to justice may have been Trump's biggest first year accomplishment.

He's been very clear about what his second year biggest accomplishment is gonna be.

We need it like, well, like Hunter Biden needs crack.