Josh Johnson

Where's my signing bonus?

I thought the reason we couldn't have healthcare and stuff is because we were broke.

If you think Greenland needs this money, let me introduce you to a place called Detroit.

Because I know America would do a lot of strange for that much change, but let's see how the people of Greenland feel about it.

First thing, we're not all about fake lips and boobs.

I'll have you know we're mostly into butts now.

It's one thing to dog Trump, but you're talking about America.

Americans could slam you, too, if we, you know, knew anything about Greenland or where you are.

As soon as we find you on a map, consider yourself roasted, all right?

But if the bribes don't work and the invasion doesn't pan out, Trump always has his fallback plan.

Of course it's tariffs.

This man has no other moves and no imagination.

This is getting sad, and I mean sadder than Marco Rubio holding one of those hairless Instagram cats.

That's like one and a half popes ago.

RIP to a real one.

I will find your killer.

So Trump decided to crash the White House press briefing to tout his accomplishments, but also to do some prop comedy.

Wait, wait, wait.

First of all, is finger falling off something you think could happen to you?

Is that on the menu?