Josh van Cuylenburg

speaker

3,043 appearances 22 recordings 1 series first heard Jan 2026 last heard yesterday

Josh van Cuylenburg’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 22 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 4.

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The Imperfects · Our Phone Odyssey Begins · 19 Jul 2026 podcast

And if there was a way to sort of have a go at myself in my twenties, I would find it.

Not to say that I didn't have a lot of fun in my twenties as well and had, like I met the love of my life.

I traveled, I did so many good things and there was some real, there was so much ups, but there was also a lot of downs.

And I think the sort of default state when I was alone was one of low self-esteem to say.

And in contrast to that, when I looked at Hugh, and I think one of the reasons why I'm nervous to talk about this is because I think I know so much more about you now as an adult human being, but I think at the time, even though we were so close, I held onto this view of you as just perfect in every way, which I developed, I think, when I was... I've had it in my mind for as long as I can remember.

I sort of looked at you as the most impressive person I'd ever met and I worshipped you.

And I still do, but just in, I think, a more realistic way.

But, yeah, I can remember this from...

Back, God, I have this memory when I was sort of eight, I reckon, eight or nine, maybe even younger, at school telling some kids that you played in the Sheffield Shield cricket, which is the like national cricket competition for the best cricketers in the country, sort of top 100 cricketers.

No, because I remember a kid who knew you saying, no, he doesn't.

He plays Dowling Shield, which was like the local cricket, like under 16 comp.

It's still hard to get into, but yeah.

But I felt I can still remember the anger at you, even though I knew immediately I'd gotten it wrong, but the idea that anyone would shatter this image that I had of Hugh as the perfect person and the most amazing person in the world, I still feel this sort of visceral anger at someone shattering that image, even though he was 100% right.

Yeah, because it's like how dare you question his perfection, my brother's perfection.

Yeah, okay.

And I think as I grew up, when your role model is perfect, you want to emulate that.

And I've sort of talked about this a bit on the show, but I made a lot of choices to sort of try and be school captain at the school and try and be really good at cricket.

And when the person you're trying to emulate is perfect, in inverted commas, you have no option but to fail every single time.

And so it wasn't until I got into my 20s that I started to sort of think you've got to find yourself here as I think a lot of people do in their 20s.

And I've talked about this a bit on the show and I drank a lot and partied a lot and I think I spent way too much of my 20s hungover, which meant that I was in a pretty down state trying to work that stuff out.

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