Kate Murphy

I was just uncomfortable.

And then I realized, oh, my God, I'm becoming him.

Exactly what I described, I realized, okay, my shoulders are really up around my ears.

I mean, not that far.

It's really subtle, but I realized I have a lot of muscle tension right now.

I uncrossed my legs.

I sat back.

I took a deep breath, and I slowed the cadence of my speech.

And the thing that's so miraculous is not only did I feel better because I had broken away from whatever internally was going on with him, but he started to sink to me.

He started to relax.

So the whole encounter, you can really have a lot of agency over how things go just by how you react.

Do you get swept up in the other person's energy or do you allow them to have it and sort of release it?

And they really, most of the time, will come and meet where you are and start to relax as well.

Yeah.

And you can even go through your contact list.

It isn't just, you know, who you're dating.

It's does this person make me feel better or worse?

Do I feel energized or drained?

Do I like myself when I'm with this person?

Or do I become somebody I don't recognize with that person or somebody that I don't want to be with that person?