Kate Murphy

Lean back.

Relax your shoulders.

Even look away for a moment.

Break that rhythm with the other person.

I'll give you a good example.

When I first started working on this and I was reading all this research and didn't even quite know I was writing a book yet, but it just, every day I researched this, I was like, no way.

You just don't realize how much you are syncing with another person in spite of yourself.

We all like to think we're not unduly influenced by other people, but that's just a myth, you know, if you look at this research.

And also just notice your own behavior.

But the example I want to give you is I was asked to speak at, and I won't say which university, but I was invited to speak at this university, and one of the deans asked me out to lunch beforehand.

So I went out to lunch with this guy, and he was just a socially awkward person.

He was very nervous.

And I was getting really nervous, too.

And I don't think had I done this research, I would have really known what was going on in my body.

But I was exactly mirroring him.

I was really closed off.

I had, you know, my arms were crossed.

My legs were crossed really close together.

I was tense in my shoulders.

And I was talking really fast.