Katherine Morgan Schafler

And so the perfectionist guide to losing control is about how to understand this power that you have as a perfectionist to not waste time and energy trying to not be a perfectionist because that doesn't work and to lean more into adaptive ways of being your whole full self.

And so the perfectionist guide to losing control is about how to understand this power that you have as a perfectionist to not waste time and energy trying to not be a perfectionist because that doesn't work and to lean more into adaptive ways of being your whole full self.

I wouldn't say perfectionism is a woman's attempt. I just think it is a gendered term. So women and men are both impacted negatively by perfectionistic standards, but it unfolds in different ways. And I could write a whole book about perfectionism for men. For example, one of the constructs I talk about in the book is emotional perfectionism.

I wouldn't say perfectionism is a woman's attempt. I just think it is a gendered term. So women and men are both impacted negatively by perfectionistic standards, but it unfolds in different ways. And I could write a whole book about perfectionism for men. For example, one of the constructs I talk about in the book is emotional perfectionism.

I wouldn't say perfectionism is a woman's attempt. I just think it is a gendered term. So women and men are both impacted negatively by perfectionistic standards, but it unfolds in different ways. And I could write a whole book about perfectionism for men. For example, one of the constructs I talk about in the book is emotional perfectionism.

We tend to think of perfectionism in this one myopic way of behaviorally manifesting itself of like, I like all the pens in a row. I like all the towels to be straight. And what I noticed in my work is perfectionism is kaleidoscopic. It shows up in a million different ways. And one of them is emotional perfectionism.

We tend to think of perfectionism in this one myopic way of behaviorally manifesting itself of like, I like all the pens in a row. I like all the towels to be straight. And what I noticed in my work is perfectionism is kaleidoscopic. It shows up in a million different ways. And one of them is emotional perfectionism.

We tend to think of perfectionism in this one myopic way of behaviorally manifesting itself of like, I like all the pens in a row. I like all the towels to be straight. And what I noticed in my work is perfectionism is kaleidoscopic. It shows up in a million different ways. And one of them is emotional perfectionism.

And emotional perfectionism is like when you want to feel what you perceive to be the perfect way about something. And that doesn't mean happy all the time. It means that we're all kind of walking around with these pie charts hovering over our minds about how... angry you're supposed to be versus grateful versus solutions oriented versus et cetera.

And emotional perfectionism is like when you want to feel what you perceive to be the perfect way about something. And that doesn't mean happy all the time. It means that we're all kind of walking around with these pie charts hovering over our minds about how... angry you're supposed to be versus grateful versus solutions oriented versus et cetera.

And emotional perfectionism is like when you want to feel what you perceive to be the perfect way about something. And that doesn't mean happy all the time. It means that we're all kind of walking around with these pie charts hovering over our minds about how... angry you're supposed to be versus grateful versus solutions oriented versus et cetera.

And one of the things that I think a lot of men feel when it comes to emotional perfectionism is you're not allowed to feel unsure. You're not allowed to cry. You're not allowed to need nurturing, warmth, guidance, attention. Like it's a very rigid expectation culturally that we place upon men and it has really detrimental effects. And so what I say in the book is,

And one of the things that I think a lot of men feel when it comes to emotional perfectionism is you're not allowed to feel unsure. You're not allowed to cry. You're not allowed to need nurturing, warmth, guidance, attention. Like it's a very rigid expectation culturally that we place upon men and it has really detrimental effects. And so what I say in the book is,

And one of the things that I think a lot of men feel when it comes to emotional perfectionism is you're not allowed to feel unsure. You're not allowed to cry. You're not allowed to need nurturing, warmth, guidance, attention. Like it's a very rigid expectation culturally that we place upon men and it has really detrimental effects. And so what I say in the book is,

This affects both men and women, but very differently. And the way it affects women is that women are kind of called perfectionists as a way to regulate their power and authority. Like if a woman is very much like, I don't like it that way, I want it this way.

This affects both men and women, but very differently. And the way it affects women is that women are kind of called perfectionists as a way to regulate their power and authority. Like if a woman is very much like, I don't like it that way, I want it this way.

This affects both men and women, but very differently. And the way it affects women is that women are kind of called perfectionists as a way to regulate their power and authority. Like if a woman is very much like, I don't like it that way, I want it this way.

At work, she might be called a perfectionist and told to kind of balance out, don't sweat the small stuff, all these little directives that are actually about not taking ownership over an idea or a vision. Whereas a man who... does the same thing might be called a visionary.

At work, she might be called a perfectionist and told to kind of balance out, don't sweat the small stuff, all these little directives that are actually about not taking ownership over an idea or a vision. Whereas a man who... does the same thing might be called a visionary.

At work, she might be called a perfectionist and told to kind of balance out, don't sweat the small stuff, all these little directives that are actually about not taking ownership over an idea or a vision. Whereas a man who... does the same thing might be called a visionary.