Katherine Woodward Thomas

So that was one way of seeing it, which gave me no access to power.

The other way of seeing it, when I looked for myself, how am I the source of this, is that I realized that inside of this deep, I am alone story, I had a corresponding belief that no one will ever really be there for me.

So when I would date people from that perspective,

it didn't occur to me that I needed a man who would actually be able to show up for me.

I'm looking at chemistry.

How cool is he?

What car is he driving?

I don't know what I was looking at, but it wasn't that.

I wasn't looking at his character.

None of the things that actually matter.

So in owning that and seeing that clearly like, wow, I wasn't looking at the right things.

There's no shame in that.

And actually, it was off my radar.

So there's no shame in it, but that was key to recreating my criteria for the man that I was looking for.

And then I was able to find...

a man and get married and have a great relationship and you know so that changed my life was seeing how I was the source of it because once you identify the old way of relating how you were generating that story you can just flip it to what's the new way of being here's my new list this is what I'm looking for I mean it's

You're absolutely right.

That's exactly where people go.

Right.

So now you're in step six and seven.