Ken Rideout

I'm fast forwarding a bit, but eventually my wife and I get married.

She knows I'm struggling this.

I had used this other drug called Subutex, which is like methadone.

It kind of helps you get off the opioids, but it's supposed to be just a transition, but people are on those things long-term and those become super addictive and just as hard to get off.

So when we got, we adopted a daughter from Ethiopia after we got married.

And when we, when I realized like the clock, the runway is, I'm running out of runway.

I have to do this now or never.

And I was like, if I don't do this, I might kill myself because I can't live like this.

I'm not a loser.

I didn't want to be a loser, but I was behaving like one.

And I had very high self-esteem before this happened.

And now I was like destroying myself emotionally.

And I went to an outpatient detox facility in New York and they gave me like some, like I went through basically like a medically assisted detox where they gave me Ritalin to stay awake, Xanax to calm down at night and to sleep and Ambien and blood pressure medicine.

And there's an important story in the book where I,

my wife finds me on the floor unconscious in the middle of the night in our apartment, which is like this beautiful like glass high rise, like 50th floor, gorgeous views of the city.

And I'm like basically living in hell.

And she finds me in there and I just like come clean and tell her everything.

I said, I'm trying to go through this one week detox.

Cause when the week is up, I can take this other drug.

I can get an injection of a drug called Vivitrol.