Kim Pollender
speaker
159 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Aug 2026
last heard 6 Aug
Kim Pollender’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Aug 2026 with 1.
Appearances
And this is an aspect that most, not every, but most relationships will hit, this aspect of hitting below the belt, of going to that really ugly place that then makes you repulsive to your partner.
And I would explain all of it with protection.
The number one job of the brain is not to love and to be happy.
The brain is designed to survive.
And what is key to survival?
Well, when there's a threat, when there's a danger in front of you, you're going to protect at all costs.
And what's the best way to protect?
Put up your guard so it might be shutting down.
If they keep pursuing, it might be lashing out.
If they are shutting down and not responding to you, which is so hurtful, then lashing out at them, just going to that ugly place to try to get a reaction out of them, to go to that ugly place to express to them how much they hurt you so you're going to hurt them back.
It's very much related to protection aspects is how I'd describe it.
And yes, it certainly does chip away and it does eat away at the relationship, which is why at some point, you know, the two to three year mark is a very critical point.
Also the seven to eight year mark, critical point for couples, because it will show you how you've handled that resentment, how you've handled those ugly moments.
Did you come back the next day or two or three to talk about it, to get to a better place?
This is a very common outcome of what's called the companionate phase.
When you first start dating someone, you're in the honeymoon phase.
Everyone's familiar with that passionate stage.
And what is supposed to happen by design, actually, is at the, let's say, 18-month mark to three-year mark, is you get into more of a companionate stage where they're your best friend.
You're more emotionally intimate.
And
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