Kristin Neff
speaker
376 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2020
last heard Oct 2020
Kristin Neff’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
This is gonna help me control my behavior so I'll get it right next time.
You know, or we're afraid of other people judging us.
So we like beat it beat them to the punch.
We we kind of soften the blows of others by beating ourselves up first, right?
Or we like we flee in shame, or we freeze in rumination, we just get stuck, we can't unstick ourselves.
It's like, well, maybe if I just think about the danger for the fifty-seventh time, it will go away, right?
And so these are natural reactions to try to feel safe.
The only problem is they actually aren't very
Very effective.
Right.
A more effective way to deal with danger is to we we also can feel safe through attachment and through caregiving.
You know, when we help our children feel safe, for instance, by saying, We're here for you, we support you, we give them a hug, we make them feel loved.
And that helps our children feel safe.
We know how to calm down a crying child.
You know, of course it doesn't work the same way for all kids, but we know how to try to calm down a crying child through the force of love, you might say, through the force of care.
This is also a physiological system we have that's associated with parasympathetic reactivity, you know, the things like oxytocin and heart rate variability.
So we can make ourselves uh feel safe this way, but it doesn't, it takes a little longer because we're used to doing it for others, but we aren't used to doing it to ourselves.
And so when we learn to do that, it helps.
So that's one reason.
And then the other reason um is culture.
Showing 201–220 of 376 · page 11 of 19
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