Lewis Black

That was residue from a delicious kale smoothie.

Act now, and I'll even throw in Mussolini's fidget spinner.

Trevor?

Lewis Black, everyone.

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It's been three weeks since Pope Francis went to that great Sunday Mass in the sky, and we're all still thinking, why Pope Francis, God? Why not every other world leader? But now the Vatican has to elect a new pope. And you know what that means, conclave!

It's been three weeks since Pope Francis went to that great Sunday Mass in the sky, and we're all still thinking, why Pope Francis, God? Why not every other world leader? But now the Vatican has to elect a new pope. And you know what that means, conclave!

And red smoke means an altar boy fell in the incinerator. Oopsie! Should have kept his mouth shut. Why, of all these endless rounds of boating, just keep it simple. Let a gorilla loose in the Vatican, and whoever survives is the winner. And if it's the gorilla, so be it. All hail Pope Coco. Now, I'd love to tell you more about the conclave, but it's a lot like masturbating.

And red smoke means an altar boy fell in the incinerator. Oopsie! Should have kept his mouth shut. Why, of all these endless rounds of boating, just keep it simple. Let a gorilla loose in the Vatican, and whoever survives is the winner. And if it's the gorilla, so be it. All hail Pope Coco. Now, I'd love to tell you more about the conclave, but it's a lot like masturbating.

You don't talk about it.

You don't talk about it.

I'm pretty sure when Cardinal's involved, the kids call it something other than raw-dogging. Plus, without their phones, how will these guys follow the Diddy trial? They're huge fans of his work. Oh, stop. You might be wondering why all this secrecy is needed. Here's the secret, because it's boring. A hundred old guys sitting around talking about which old guy will lead all the other old guys.

I'm pretty sure when Cardinal's involved, the kids call it something other than raw-dogging. Plus, without their phones, how will these guys follow the Diddy trial? They're huge fans of his work. Oh, stop. You might be wondering why all this secrecy is needed. Here's the secret, because it's boring. A hundred old guys sitting around talking about which old guy will lead all the other old guys.

Kill me now! But with all the secrecy, many people don't know what to expect at a Conclave. Don't worry, though, the Cardinals don't either.