Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Now, I don't think anyone here would disagree that every year the holidays get more and more commercialized. Could the steamrolling of religion by the capitalist marketing machine have a downside? Stephen Colbert investigates. Christmas lights are twinkling and carolers are singing and the eggnog is flowing. And that, of course, can only mean one thing. It's Hanukkah time. I wished for a pony.
But amidst all this hoopla and the Hanukkah hype, haven't we forgotten something? Haven't we forgotten what Hanukkah is really all about? Rabbi, do you have a minute? Sure, come in.
Thanks.
Rabbi, what's the true meaning of Hanukkah? Well, it commemorates the Jewish victory of the Maccabees over King Antiochus. Good. Let's roll! Hanukkah is, of course, a commemoration of several things. But one has to wonder, these days, do our children even know that stuff? Or are they just interested in their space-age Hanukkah gyro toys? And the bad king's name was... Antiochus!
Okay, fair enough. But what was Antiochus' last name? It's Epiphanes. What did Antiochus hope to achieve with the control of... It was worse than I had feared. But who had ruined this most sacred of holidays? Perhaps some of the responsibility lies with the cold, indifferent merchandising machine. Doesn't it kind of break your heart when you see a house all decked out in the Hanukkah glitz?
You know, the giant flashing menorah on the lawn and the life-size flying potato pancakes on the roof? Not at all. One last question. Why are all mezuzah sales final? Those will be on the parchment. Turns out I don't really care. I was too worried about saving Hanukkah. Could there still be hope for this highest of high holy holidays? I have to tell you, this is not the highest of holidays.
Okay, it is. So let's just move from there. Well, I would have to contradict you. Well, I wish you wouldn't. Here's the thing. Name one that's more important. How about Passover? Okay, I'll give you Passover, but name two. Rosh Hashanah? Okay, now you're just making words up. Was there anyone out there who was keeping the true spirit of the season alive?
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Chapter 2: What is the commercialization of Hanukkah and its impact?
Thank you. Well, John, Hanukkah is a beautiful festival of light. Although, I was surprised to learn in the course of my investigation that Hanukkah is, in fact, a minor holiday that doesn't even appear in the Hebrew Bible and is of dubious historical significance. Well, it is for Jewish people still an important celebration. Oh, no, no, of course, of course.
You should all be very proud of Hanukkah. I mean, it's still bigger than Kwanzaa. I mean, for now. Thank you, Stephen. Stephen Colbert. Folks, to commemorate the Jewish holiday that is occurring right now, we want to present to you a very special holiday edition of Operation Enduring Coverage. Folks, traditionally, nothing says America quite like Christmas at the White House.
And nothing says awkwardness quite like Hanukkah at the White House, where President Bush lit the menorah last night with a little help from eight-year-old Talia Lefkowitz. After hearing Talia sing, the White House presented the girl with a very special Hanukkah present, a letter from John Ashcroft inviting her to report to federal agents for questioning.
Could be Hebrew, could be Pashtun, you don't know. Get her in. First Lady Laura Bush was, of course, on hand to supervise the occasion. And as usual, her poker face left many wondering just what she was thinking as she looked on. I got that in my head, too. The ceremony also featured a special White House menorah, chosen after a protocol officer nixed the earlier design by Vice President Cheney.
President Bush used the occasion of the holiday to launch some pointed words at Osama bin Laden.
I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.
Bush added, in fact, I'd have to say I think he's a bit of an anti-Semite. Senior White House correspondent Stephen Colbert is live in our Washington bureau. We're going to take you out to him now. Stephen, a lot going on in the nation's capital, a lot of celebration. The president wants everybody to feel that it's business as usual for all Americans. What's the mood like down there right now?
Well, John, the menorah is shedding a light whose sweetness is matched only by that of the chocolate gelt being distributed to child and senator alike. John, it's Hanukkah time at the White House. And hark, if you listen closely, you can hear the gentle sound of the spinning dreidel tumbling to rest, revealing the fortunes of the gaily giggling little ones.
Smells like Laura's hard at work at her famous latkes or Strom Thurmond's around. Are they really into the holiday? Because I thought the Bush's Hanukkah celebration was really just designed to demonstrate a sense of religious inclusion, much like the Ramadan dinner they had. Oh, no, John. Well, Ramadan, yes. But the Bushes have always been one hemisha mishpacha.
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Chapter 3: What is the true meaning of Hanukkah according to Stephen Colbert?
Stay down there in Washington and enjoy the rest of Hanukkah. No, John, I told you. Hanukkah was last night. Stephen, there are eight nights of Hanukkah. Eight nights? You squeeze eight nights out of a candle lighting? Good luck. That's a lot of latkes. Bach to you. Thank you very much, Stephen.
When a news story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black.
It's just a couple of more weeks until Christmas, when Christians celebrate the birth of Santa. Meanwhile, us Jews are celebrating a real miracle, some lamp oil that lasted longer than we thought. Because if there's one thing we Jews love, it's a bargain. But for some reason, Christians are now trying to include us in their holiday season, and it's not making any sense.
Hallmark Christmas movies have been a staple for the channel for years. Now they're debuting two Hallmark Hanukkah movies.
As the Washington Post reports, there's just one problem. Neither movie is a Hanukkah movie. There are Christmas movies with Jewish characters. Joel. Breck. In Holiday Date, a woman hires a Jewish actor to pose as her boyfriend and join her at her family's house for Christmas. But the family grows suspicious about whether he knows how to celebrate.
Oh, you're not sure if Jews know how to celebrate Christmas? You mean that holiday that gets jammed down our throat every year? The second Halloween ends, I can't even buy a cup of coffee that doesn't look like it fell out of Santa's ass. Trust me, Jews know how Christmas works. It's not like we're gonna walk into your Christmas party and say, oh, my God, it's a tree. Indoors! Call a lumberjack!
I don't want a holiday movie where a Jewish person learns about Christmas. I want a movie where a Christian has to learn about Hanukkah. On night one, we get socks. On night two, a notebook. On night three, a pen and pencil set. It's a back-to-school holiday! But if you thought a fake Hanukkah movie was tone-deaf, put this in your stocking and stuff it.
Online retail giant Amazon just pulled several controversial Christmas items from its website. The items, including Christmas ornaments, bottle openers, and mouse pads, depict the Auschwitz concentration camp. Amazon says all of the products in question have been removed, adding that all sellers must follow our selling guidelines.
An Auschwitz Christmas ornament? Look, I know we say to never forget, but when you're decorating a tree, you can take the night off. This is crazy. Christmas has nothing to do with the Holocaust. Santa's list and Schindler's list are very different lists. But if you have to think of the Jews at Christmas, why not get them a little something to show you care, like this guy?
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