Lewis Black

Kill me now! But with all the secrecy, many people don't know what to expect at a Conclave. Don't worry, though, the Cardinals don't either.

That's funny. Ha ha, isn't incompetency hilarious? Turns out the only qualification you need to vote for the most powerful religious leader in the world is a Peacock account. Look, if you need to watch a movie to learn about a job you already have, you shouldn't have that job in the first place. If I hire a prostitute, I'm not gonna wait two hours while she watches a Nora.

That's funny. Ha ha, isn't incompetency hilarious? Turns out the only qualification you need to vote for the most powerful religious leader in the world is a Peacock account. Look, if you need to watch a movie to learn about a job you already have, you shouldn't have that job in the first place. If I hire a prostitute, I'm not gonna wait two hours while she watches a Nora.

But it's not just incompetent cardinals traveling to Rome for the conclave. It's also incompetent tourists.

But it's not just incompetent cardinals traveling to Rome for the conclave. It's also incompetent tourists.

Wow, his own ice cream. That's the kind of honor they only give to Mickey Mouse. Let's hope I don't spill any of it on my the Pope died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. But if you don't want a shitty Pope keychain, don't worry, because there are other ways to flush your money down his holy toilet.

Wow, his own ice cream. That's the kind of honor they only give to Mickey Mouse. Let's hope I don't spill any of it on my the Pope died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. But if you don't want a shitty Pope keychain, don't worry, because there are other ways to flush your money down his holy toilet.

Well, let me get this straight. You want me to bet money on the first Asian pope, and you won't even let me parlay it with the Knicks? That's disgusting. Shame on you. I know I'm picking the Knicks, but tell me more about this Louis Tagle guy.

Well, let me get this straight. You want me to bet money on the first Asian pope, and you won't even let me parlay it with the Knicks? That's disgusting. Shame on you. I know I'm picking the Knicks, but tell me more about this Louis Tagle guy.

I don't... I don't know if this guy will be the first pope from Asia, but he makes my ears beg for youth in Asia. This is what my career has come to. Assisted suicide puns. But here's a question. Why is the frontrunner for pope singing a song about imagining there's no religion? I mean, without religion, you're just a guy going to work in a nightgown.

I don't... I don't know if this guy will be the first pope from Asia, but he makes my ears beg for youth in Asia. This is what my career has come to. Assisted suicide puns. But here's a question. Why is the frontrunner for pope singing a song about imagining there's no religion? I mean, without religion, you're just a guy going to work in a nightgown.

look if this conclave wants to make history there's another group they've been overlooking a jewish pope huh i've already got my pope yarmulke all i gotta do now is glue my foreskin back on and i'll fit right in luckily i keep it in my wallet desi

look if this conclave wants to make history there's another group they've been overlooking a jewish pope huh i've already got my pope yarmulke all i gotta do now is glue my foreskin back on and i'll fit right in luckily i keep it in my wallet desi

You can always tell it's Earth Day when the CO2 emissions from the world's smokestacks start paling in comparison to celebrity emissions telling us we can save the Earth if we start acting a little more like them. Just ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oprah Winfrey's Earth Day special. I've got a great one for you. If your house is anything like mine... Stop. It's not.

You can always tell it's Earth Day when the CO2 emissions from the world's smokestacks start paling in comparison to celebrity emissions telling us we can save the Earth if we start acting a little more like them. Just ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oprah Winfrey's Earth Day special. I've got a great one for you. If your house is anything like mine... Stop. It's not.

It's a lot smaller, and it doesn't have an Affleck-shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally washed with her money and giving away Earth-friendly products to her audience. We're going to bring out the bulbs so you can have a look. And you get a smart spot. Ooh, a light bulb giveaway, huh?

It's a lot smaller, and it doesn't have an Affleck-shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally washed with her money and giving away Earth-friendly products to her audience. We're going to bring out the bulbs so you can have a look. And you get a smart spot. Ooh, a light bulb giveaway, huh?

You really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this?

You really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this?

Get the car! Get the car! Everybody get the car! Over on ABC, 2020 both documented and lived out mankind's excess by flying reporters to file live reports from six of the seven continents.