Matthew Hussey

And I want to make her as happy as I possibly can.

I get that because I think of that thing that she does, and it connects me.

It connects me to my why for why I want to show up differently in the relationship.

And a lot of us don't have these emotional buttons, and we certainly don't use them consciously every day.

Winston Churchill said, people occasionally stumble over the truth, but most pick themselves up and carry on as if nothing happened.

We occasionally stumble over a moment of truth about why we love someone, about why they matter so much to us, about how much our relationship enriches and enhances our lives.

If we don't understand what just happened that made us feel that and bottle that,

we will move on as if nothing happened, and then the next time we feel it, it will be by chance.

And if that's three months from now, you just went three months without connecting to that feeling, which is three months where you might be, you know, showing up in lesser ways to the relationship.

I don't think there's any one moment.

I think when we realize over time that we have shown up to the best of our ability,

and we have tried to find a teammate in them because you can't, you have to have a teammate for that.

If you want something to change, you need a teammate in helping you make that change or you need their participation in that.

There are so many people trying to make a relationship better on their own.

You need someone to be with you in that process.

If you don't have a teammate, if you don't have someone who acknowledges, that's why being with a partner who doesn't value growth is so hard.

Because you don't have to have someone who's perfect if you have a learner, someone who's humble, curious, willing to grow.

But if over time someone shows a complete lack of willingness to figure this out with you, and you've communicated that with them,

That, I think, is its own form of closure.

The problem for a lot of people is that they only really communicate how truly unhappy they are or how many things they've been struggling with on the day of the breakup.