Michelle Chalfant
speaker
133 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Michelle Chalfant’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Yeah, I want to become more healthy with you. Of course. Okay, cool. So give me some grace because I'm going to be clumsy when I do it. I mean, think about a little kid learning how to walk. They're going to fall down. We don't yell at that little kid when they're a year old. We give them grace. So when we're learning boundaries, we start with people that are safe or safer.
And we let them know, I'm learning how to do this. And I want you, Heather, to be able to set boundaries with me. And I want to be able to do that with you. This is a muscle we both need to work on. Yes. Yes. Cool. All right, let's go. Here's what I'm going to set with you. So that's how we start setting boundaries where it might be uncomfortable. I'm vulnerable. I'm going to pad it.
I'm going to tell you again how great you are and how much I cherish our relationship. And then I set the boundary. I speak up for what I'm looking for, for what I want.
Totally. And I say this, people typically, like if I say to you, hey, Heather, I need to talk to you later. Are you around? How do you feel?
Like, oh crap. Michelle's so mad at me. It's like, or hey Heather, or if I text you, which is worse, texting puts people in fight or flight. When my clients would come in and they're like, I'm just going to text so-and-so and let them know how I feel. I'm like, do not text. You've got to do it over the phone or in person. You don't text boundaries over the phone. No, no, no, no, no, no.
But if I say to you, hey, I need to talk to you later, you're like, oh, God, what did I do? I'm in trouble. Versus, hey, Heather, you know, I want to share with you blah, blah, blah later. Are you free at four o'clock? Yeah, sure. So we really want to make sure that people are what I call putting down their swords and shields. and doing the sandwich, it takes the defenses down.
It's like, hey, I've got some things I'm learning. I want to share them with you later today. Are you free? Let's go out and have a coffee and we'll chit chat about it. Are you free? Yeah, sure. And your defenses are down. So the padding helps you to drop your defenses if you and I are going to have a conversation.
Yeah. Go get the book. Just Google the adult chair. Google the, or excuse me, Google, go to the Adult Chair website and you will see everything there is to know. I do live events. I do online courses. The book is there. The book is at theadultchair.com forward slash book. You can buy it anywhere in the world because I have a lot of people like outside of the US that want the book.
So you can get all those links there too. And yeah, this book has all of it in there. It's got the triggers. It's got the boundaries. It's got everything that you need in order to live your life as a healthy adult. It's got inner child work. Everything that you and I did today is in the book.
Oh, my God. We are trying to get this model in schools. Because, again, we I mean, I know with my kids, I did the same thing. I'm like, you got to take the APs. You got to take the college credit in high school and all this crap. I'm like, these kids are graduating from high school. They don't know how to emotionally regulate themselves.
When my boys were in high school, like their friends had so much anxiety. Everyone's on ADHD meds. It's like, what is going on? These kids are needing help. And so more importantly, the parents need to learn this, but also like give this book to kids because it's broken down so simply. Anybody can learn how to do this. Anybody. But that's the problem is we don't know.
Like I said, how do you set a healthy boundary? Who teaches this? We need to learn this in high school.
Thank you so much for having me. It's been so fun.
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