Michelle Chalfant
speaker
133 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Michelle Chalfant’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsNo recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.
Appearances
Do I, and this is, again, this is a very general thing that humans just do. If I've got an abandonment, I'm just gonna, if I generalize this, if it's an abandonment wound, which I would say that you have, In some way, again, I don't want to not use the words that use or being left. It's like, I'm going to manipulate and this sounds like a bad word, but it's not.
I'm going to manipulate and control the relationships out there that I have, because I'm trying not to get left. So it's not a bad thing. I don't want you to for a second to judge yourself, but you're trying not to get left. There's a part inside of you that is programmed to be left.
So then what happens is the ego builds parts around that little vulnerable child and says, I will make sure that you never get left. I'm going to make sure that so-and-so calls me all the time or texts me all the time, or I know where they are, whatever it is. I don't know what you do, but this is a general thing.
A lot of humans will do this in relationships, but they're being driven by this little kid inside that's afraid to be left.
It affects your entire life. Everything you do.
I remember working with this guy and oh my gosh, he just wanted to be wanted. That was his core wound. He was an unplanned pregnancy, right? So his mother had him out of wedlock, had him. He was not wanted. And he spent his whole life in relationships with women. overdoing, over everything. And he was Mr. Nice Guy. And I said to him, you've got to show up authentically.
So we had to go in and work with that little boy. I love inner child work. We went in and worked with that little boy and helped him to get unstuck because he didn't feel wanted. Do you think he set boundaries? Do you think he spoke up for himself? Hell no. He was Mr. Nice Guy. So I said, you can't even show up authentically in relationships. I don't care if it's at work or not.
He had issues with his boss. He couldn't speak up because he was so afraid of getting fired, of, again, not being wanted, not being nice. But when we went in and worked with that little boy and actually worked with him feeling wanted and knowing like, okay, you can repair that wound. We can reparent any part of ourselves. You just reparented your little girl.
And the more you do the homework and check in with her for 30 seconds to a minute a day or every other day, just say, hey, little sweetheart, or whatever word you want to use. Hey, little Heather, I'm here. I love you. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. That little part of you is going to learn, I'm not left. I'm safe, actually. I love it here. This part is checking in with me.
This adult Heather, I like her. I love her. I feel good. I'm not going to be left. I guarantee you. And I guarantee it 100%. You will attract in someone different, or maybe you'll stay with this person. You will speak up for yourself. You will be happy. You will be more relaxed in relationships. Your whole world will change.
Again, we're changing the inner programming, that limiting belief that is walking and inside of you that you're walking around with all day, every day. It's crazy. But this guy, once we worked with that little boy, oh my God, he went from not being able to speak up, but he was a badass at work. I'm talking like president of sales. Like he was amazing. Couldn't speak up. He was amazing.
He then changed, everything changed. He became the CEO. Like it went on and on. It was amazing. He changed who he even attracted in relationships because he was stronger. It was crazy. It's like a domino effect, you know?
Absolutely. I love that. And that is where I go into trusting everything that's happening and everything is happening for us, not to us. Right. When we say, why did this happen to me instead of why did this happen or possibly why did this happen for me? It takes us from victim to empowered.
And you went there, you went to the empowered place and said, wow, look at all these beautiful things that happened. Right. Again, this is not a religious thing, but I firmly believe that our soul is going to set us up for all these things so we can grow, so we can crack our masks and drop and shed those masks so that we can live more authentically.
So when we get fired, when we get broken up with, when all these things that we think are quote unquote bad happen, ask yourself, I wonder why this happened for me. Because when we sit around and say, why did this happen to me? I don't know. We're so stuck in victim. You can't see your way out of it. Instead of why did I wonder why this happened for me? You can even feel the energy of that.
It's like, wow, I feel empowered. It's not an invitation to judge anybody or especially yourself, but it's like, oh, I get it now. I get it. I needed to lose this mask. I needed a new job. I couldn't even see it at the time. That was a toxic environment. I needed to get out of there and I wasn't leaving. It happened for me. How perfect is that?
Yeah, well, you asked a couple different questions. So one thing is when you are starting to set boundaries and you're not quite sure how it's going to go over, I suggest putting what I call padding, and I write about this all in the book, in the adult chair book. It's like we pad the boundaries, okay?
So on either end of the boundary, I'm going to say, hey, Heather, I really love our friendship, and I love that we can share everything with each other, which is why I want to talk to you about what happened last Saturday, okay? I would love it if you would da-da-da-da-da. So thank you so much for listening to me. I love our relationship.
So it's like on the beginning and the end, it's like a sandwich sort of thing. You know, like in work when you're giving someone a review, it's like pro-con, pro-con. We want to sandwich it with some positives. So if you're in a partnership, you'd say, hey, I am learning a lot about you. You're vulnerable.
We need to learn how to get more vulnerable in our relationships and really share what's going on from our heart. Again, not airy-fairy. It just is. But to say like, hey, I'm really working on boundaries. And I'd like to bring this into our relationship, but I want to learn how to do boundaries in a really healthy way. Would you like to join me in this process?
Showing 101–120 of 133 · page 6 of 7
← Previous
Next →