Neil Brown

speaker

575 appearances 2 recordings 1 series first heard Nov 2016 last heard Aug 2017

Neil Brown’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 032: How to Eliminate Control Battles With Your Differently-Wired Teen, with Neil Brown · 1 Nov 2016 podcast

Um well that's a that's a great question and and I think a a complicated answer.

But I think the way it works is the privileges are the privileges and if kids want them, then they do need to earn them.

And that's one of the things that

I emphasize in my book as a way to end control battles is when we get away from managing kids with consequences or punishments and put the ball in their court and say, look, if you want this privilege, this is the way you earn it.

And when if you haven't earned it, then you simply don't get it.

Now, parents can say, look, if you want my help or want some other help, that's fine.

I will resource you.

But it is your responsibility to earn the privileges that you want.

So I think that puts the kid in charge of being able to say to their parent, I need help.

Or I can do this on my own, but then the proof is in the pudding.

Do they manage their responsibility with or without help?

And when they do manage their responsibility, then they do get the privilege that's commensurate with it.

Does that make sense?

Exactly.

And that's you know, that's a skill that we want differently wired kids to have is self advocacy.

Well, I think an easy one is too much reactivity.

In other words, when a kid does something that's difficult or challenging and a parent

bristles and quickly responds.

Don't do that.

Quick.

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