Rachel Forde

But if I'm nothing at all in this world, I'm determined.

If I put my mind to something, I do it.

So I was on the methadone detox.

10 days above in Dublin and the day I finished it I did the Dublin marathon with the girls in treatment amazing I couldn't even spell marathon before this yeah and it was it was amazing and treatment is fucking hard Brenda do you know it's very hard and it's the first time you have to look at yourself and in depth how long did you spend there I didn't come home until September

But I actually moved from the Dublin facility to the Limerick facility in the July, I think.

I didn't see the kids, really, for the majority of that time.

I came down twice, I think, because Coolmine will allow you out for weekends once you meet certain criteria.

So I saw the kids twice.

I saw my partner twice.

So I came back in the September and I was still in the illusion that I'd come back.

pick the kids up from their dads and we'd go back and we'd live happily ever after you know like this delusional state of mind that I was in it's three years on now and my kids still live with their dad you know my two older boys they still live with their dad now I have a fantastic relationship with them and they can come and go as they please but when I came back I was like but sure like I'm clean and sober now come on yeah you know I'm the mom

Do you know, I can do this.

I failed to realise that there had been a year in my children's lives where they had to go and make new lives for themselves.

And I suppose that's where the fellowship came in for me in a huge way.

That's how the fellowship helps me in a huge way.

I am a very active member of A and I would be going to meetings when I first came home and I would be describing things

my pain, that my children weren't at home with me.

And the wisdom and the knowledge you get from those rooms, it's invaluable.

It's absolutely invaluable.

And it was explained to me, you know, like,