Rich Bates

And it's great. So I see the skits of the movie. I'm like, great. Zendaya, I know people love her. She's a beloved cinema and television star. I'm like, I'll give it a go. Look, I had the same thought about the movie. I was like, if the reviews are good, I'll go see this film. I like both of them.

I knew nothing about the movie either. So we're sitting there, and that's on me. None of us knew. Lisa didn't know. None of us... But then the reviews came out. And Lisa watches movies obsessively. So the fact that Lisa did not know... And she's married to a man who watches movies obsessively. So the fact that she went into this not knowing also begs the question, what's going on? But...

No, I just think it's so, I mean, I hate it. Like showgirls. No, it's not campy. It doesn't have a campy enough. It's just, no, because that's got kind of the 80s, 90s sort of like, listen, girl, you're going to dance and you're going to dance like it matters or whatever kind of goofiness. This is just supposed to be an expose on relationships and on this piece of information that should it be a big issue, should it not be a big issue?

The only kind of conversation... Oh, this movie sparked a lot of conversations. The only conversation it sparked amongst us was who in the flying fuck invested in this movie and how in God's name did this guy get to make this movie? Did no one read the script? Was it one of those same... Did he write and direct it? Was it a writer-director? Writer-director from Norway. And I say that because you could tell that it was not an American making it. I know that sounds weird, but there are some things where you felt like it was an outsider commenting on Americanism.

And what's it about? A young couple very much in love. And the way they meet is super stupid and stilted and obvious and been done a million times. But I'm like, okay, fine. I'll go along for the ride. Item drops on the sidewalk and they bend down to get it at the same time. I read that book, but he's lying about the book. It's just literally been done a gazillion times. And she's like, let's start over. Like, start over.

It was just so forced, and it was so written. You felt like it was a bad one-act play. And then... Man. That dude... So angry and... Robert Pattinson. And right. Dude, I mean, when I go to... No, you're right. You're not wrong. This is what I'm reading online about that this movie is unwatchable. And Robert Pattinson, who's, as we already stated, a talented guy, and I admire that he's taking choices. Yeah, yeah.

The way they decided to go, like, look, we've hired a gorgeous British man. Yeah. We've got to make him frumpy. So let's brush his hair like he doesn't own a mirror. Oh, that's not good. And that he can't see his own reflection. Like Twilight. He just can never see his hair. So, like, the effort to make him look like a regular British guy is so aft. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It sounds like you're mostly angry at the writer-director. I am because, dude, if you get Zendaya and Robert Pattinson to sign on to your movie, you've got two of the biggest names in that age range, certainly, on the planet. Yeah. Right? No, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. You're accurate. I love this movie minute with Rich Spade. Which means you have unlimited budget because you know you've just got like, oh, they're going to get it. Still going. Uh-huh.

You want more of my minute? Because I got more. Yeah, no, no, no, please. I've experienced your five minutes, which took 30. This is going to take 60. Please. So I'll give it to you. You want to know what it's about. I'm not going to ruin it for anybody who wants to watch the thing because I don't like being that guy. But in the run-up to their wedding, they meet, they fall in love.

The editing makes you want to take your own life at the beginning of the movie. Because any other great filmmaker like Altman, and I know Woody Allen is a controversial person now, but in the day before anybody knew he was controversial, he did a great job filming conversations with people. He was great at getting natural performances. Robert Altman, same thing. I feel like the director never let the actors act. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. It felt like a Tony Scott movie, only they're all sitting around a table.

And it was insane. And Tony Scott, by the way, was a genius. Tony Scott would use that editing for dramatic effect or action or something, not when they're standing still. Right. So does something happen then at the wedding? Before the wedding. And also, one of the things that was pulling us out, this young couple, he works at a museum. She works somewhere low level in some corporation or creative agency.

And of course, they live in a loft in Boston that's millions. And in their wedding, they have a choreographer. They're doing dance lessons. I'm like, how much money is going into this wedding? Wow. And her dad is in the military. So you're like, well, it's not because dad is loaded.

It's just a trip. I hate it when people let go of reality like that. You and I have been married. We know what weddings look like in America. Not to each other. Well, we did on TV. You and I, we've been married. But if you were a billionaire, it literally felt like this is what the Koch brothers' kids did for their wedding. You know what I mean? Such...

The Koch brothers who invented cocaine. All that to say, an event happens while they're picking the wine and risotto for the dinner. They're having a tasting. Again, there's wealthy kids on their mind.

And they play the what's the worst thing you've ever done game, which nothing I'd ever heard of. And they all go around and say the worst thing they've ever done. I've never heard of that either. That's a game? It is in this movie. I didn't know that was an option. And she says a thing that makes everybody so flipped out that it sets off a series of emotional reactions and events that I don't know. And I'm dead serious. I don't know anything.

I feel like this script, which made me mad, but if you'd given this script to Alexander Payne, you might have had a great movie. If you had a great writer with it. A great director. I mean, just say you were stuck with the material. So don't change a word. Oh, shit, yeah. Because at no point... I never knew if I was watching a heightened drama where people were at the brink of emotional collapse or...

a comedy where like these series of decisions I'm making are making all the, all the diamonds are falling and I just can't keep up with the chaos that's collapsing around me. It didn't know if it was trying to be funny or, uh,

dramatic and i think it's trying to be dramatic but also with some humor in there and the humor failed miserably um yeah man it was just it was a shit show i mean yeah to the point where in the middle of the movie we all started i i didn't want to say anything i'm like i hate this but i know i can be as you know particular so i'm just gonna keep my app shut but eventually it started people like is this

Am I wrong or is this one of the worst movies I've ever seen? And then it just became a conversation during the movie. That's why you watch those kind of movies at home. Yeah. I would have been bummed if I'd been... Oh, man. Because you're already bummed because you don't like wasting... That's two hours of your life you can't get back. So many great movies out there, man. There's so many great movies. What an unbelievable waste. What an unbelievable waste of talent.

I hated that movie. That movie doesn't deserve to exist. I don't know, dude. Talk to me about that movie. Let me tell you about that movie. It was made by the most incompetent pieces of shit. You and I have talked about Anora. It's funny how some people really like Anora. You're one of them. Anora is one of those movies. JC and I have decided that we need to watch The Florida Project.

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