Sonja Lyubomirsky

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1,409 appearances 3 recordings 3 series first heard Feb 2026 last heard 25 Jun

Sonja Lyubomirsky’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 1.

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Modern Wisdom · Why Nobody Feels Loved Anymore - Sonja Lyubomirsky - #1115 · 25 Jun 2026 podcast

And the truth is you are happy when those things happen.

But then what happens is it's called hedonic adaptation.

We adapt to that new goal.

And this is, by the way, humans probably would never progress if we didn't have adaptation because then we'd we would just kind of sit on the mountain and do nothing.

But we always want more.

And you bring your same self with you when you to the new relationship or to the new city or to the new job.

And so sort of putting all your eggs in changing your life circumstances to be happier.

Now there's a caveat.

If you live in a war zone, if you're poor, if you're in an abusive relationship, absolutely changing your circumstances is going to make you happier.

But if you're kind of normal, like, you know, comfortable circumstances, then changing them is going to make you happy temporarily.

Yes, through variety, novelty, surprise, and gratitude, right?

So we adapt to constant stimuli, right?

So when things are the same, like you buy a new car, at first you're like, I love this new car.

And then, you know, for the eighth time you sit in the car, you don't notice the car anymore, that it's new.

And so novelty, variety, sort of maybe, yeah, so you have novel, create novel circumstances.

So actually a relationship is a better example.

We don't want to adapt to our new spouse, right?

So you do different things with them.

I mean, it seems obvious, right?

You do exciting activities with them.

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