Stephan Speaks
speaker
257 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Stephan Speaks’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
Letting go doesn't always mean it can't work out later. It's just that it cannot work out under these circumstances, all right. Because some people say well, I feel like they're the one. Okay, maybe they are. but maybe the time is not right.
And it's letting go that will allow you both to do what needs to be done in your own personal lives that will allow you to come back together and have something way more amazing. So, that's number one thing to consider. But outside of that it's when One, if that person is unwilling to put in the work necessary it's time to go.
There's like so many times I'll have a video go up about communication and someone will comment saying I've tried talking to him and he doesn't want to talk to me. And in my head I'm like, but why are you still with them? If he refuses to talk to you, you've already tried. There's nothing else to do.
But people will let it linger on and continue while they consistently complain or unhappy about this specific issue. It's not going to magically get better. They're not going to just change it just because all of a sudden they see oh, it needs to change. No, if they're fighting it now they have no reason to change it.
And what people have to understand you know, especially with this whole trying to fix people up. Healing and facing your traumas is one of the hardest things for people to do. So, if they already have you in their life they're essentially getting the incentive or the benefit of relationship without having to do the deeper work.
It's almost like if I'm at a job and the job says you need to have a master's degree to work here but we're going to hire you anyway and give you time to get that master's degree. If getting that degree is super hard to you you're going to drag that out as long as possible. You may never get the degree until they fire you.
When they fire you and you realize oh my gosh, if I don't do this I'll never get this person back, I'll never get this opportunity back. Now, they might go and get it because it's very tough to walk down the path of the healing process.
So, if they're not willing to work on it you guys have already discussed it and I think that's a big thing because there's a lot of relationships that end and the couples don't even know what the real issue was. So, the communication they'll say what we talked about no, you guys argued, you guys lashed out.
There wasn't a clear communication as to what the problem was, what is expected, how do we go about this. If you've done that and I believe one of the most effective ways to do that is through a letter. Because I feel like verbal communication of deep issues and concerns, they typically don't go well.
You know, people get distracted, they forget what they want to say, the other person gets defensive, they're listening to a rebuttal not to understand. But when there's a letter involved, it gives you time to get everything out. You can evaluate your tone, leave no stone unturned.
And now they have an opportunity to process it on their time to really take it in and then you guys can come together and discuss the letter. And now it's so much easier to stay on point and get everything covered. If we've done that and they're still unwilling or there's still no progress, it's time to go.
Yeah.
So, I 100% agree with you like if we're trying to learn or grow it needs to be for the benefit of who we are and just whoever we deal with. So, it's almost like if I was a bad communicator in this relationship I shouldn't learn to better communicate for that person I need to better communicate for whoever I'm going to be with.
If you can't see it in that light then maybe you're looking at the wrong thing. My thing is this I think It all depends on what the details of the situation was. What led to the breakup? What were you overlooking? What was missing? Are these fixable issues? Because a lot of people are trying to win back someone where the issues are not resolved. So, it's like what's the point of going back?
We're just going to go in the same cycle all over again. They're letting this idea of I miss them, I don't want to be without them blind them from the fact that you two did not get along well. Or you two don't want the same things. Or you two just whatever it is maybe there's a lack of sexual satisfaction. I don't know why I felt the need to mention that, but that's what happens a lot of times.
You have to stay focused on what led to the end and can this be corrected? If it can cool, but as you mentioned correcting it does not guarantee you they're coming back. And even if they will come back you don't know when. They may need... So, you may have figured yourself out in six months, they might need a year.
And I would argue if you guys are truly meant for each other and they needed a year, you need a year too. You're just overlooking some things and you're rushing the process because you want to get back to them. I've never found a situation where it was truly only one person who had problems and the other person was squeaky clean. No, no, no, you thought you were.
But you have some stuff too you needed to correct. Of course. So, I think we have to be honest with ourselves and just keep striving to be better. And rather than focus on winning them back just become the best you because if you do and there's a true connection there the opportunity will present itself again and you too will be able to make something of it.
The first thing is to ask yourself again, why was I even there? Why am I holding on to this individual? Again, I think sometimes we get so blinded by just the experience or our desire to have this person for whatever reason that we overlook what was really missing or why this could not work anyway.
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