Stephanie R. Yates-Anyabwile

If we continue to accept the narrative that relationships are hard, then we'll continue to do nothing about it. If our relationships feel hard, I encourage us to reflect on what is hard about it. Is it really the relationship, or is it external factors like our own personal trauma histories or work stress? If it really is your relationship, let's really think about what you and your partner are willing to do differently to enjoy it again.

I want us to reject everything we've ever known about relationships and challenge ourselves to create a relationship that not only defies expectations, but honors the peculiarities that make us us. Thank you.

I think you could probably answer this question better than I could.

But I think for me, realizing that I have people-pleasing tendencies was a slow evolution, a slow revelation.

I realized that I was comparing myself to people that I thought were obvious people-pleasers, like my clients even.

But I started realizing that

When certain people would ask me for things, even if it was something I was dreading for weeks beforehand, I wouldn't say no, just because I think I was afraid that if a specific person saw me as difficult, then that's true.

So I think for me, it was very much based on my level of respect or desire for a person to love or appreciate me.

And if a person didn't fall into those categories, I could say no.

But if they did, then I had a really hard time with just even saying, this is going to be a challenge for me, but sure, I'll do it for you.

And I would almost act as though I was excited about it.

So people pleasing has shown up for me in multiple ways.

And I think in the last two or three years, it's been a lot more obvious for me and something I've been working on a little bit more intentionally addressing.

How about for you?

Yeah.

Yeah, and see, I'm the type of person who that kind of situation...

I would absolutely say something.

Even when we were just sitting in a talk, I saw the lady next to me pull out mints.

I'm like, ooh, can I have some of your mints?

I don't know her, but I didn't have any issue asking for that.