Stephen Colbert

The Stephen Colbert trailer commentary. Winner of the coveted bomb door. Suck my... Coming to The Daily Show three minutes ago.

I'll be with the people that I love.

I'll be with the people that I love.

Mr. President, thank you for your time. It's interesting that you brought up Harvard because when people think about Harvard, what they're basically talking about is they're asking, what do you say to those who view your actions as an attack on academic freedom rather than a defense of fairness? What do you say to that?

Mr. President, thank you for your time. It's interesting that you brought up Harvard because when people think about Harvard, what they're basically talking about is they're asking, what do you say to those who view your actions as an attack on academic freedom rather than a defense of fairness? What do you say to that?

Sorry to interrupt. I'm gonna need to see some ID.

Sorry to interrupt. I'm gonna need to see some ID.

He was a strange dude. I remember he would take a bottle of glue and then he would pour the glue on his arm, let it dry, peel it off, and then eat it.

He was a strange dude. I remember he would take a bottle of glue and then he would pour the glue on his arm, let it dry, peel it off, and then eat it.

I was watching the announcement, like everybody else, live on television. And as soon as I saw it, I said, I have to join this campaign.

I was watching the announcement, like everybody else, live on television. And as soon as I saw it, I said, I have to join this campaign.

I would never, ever in a million years allow my daughter to compete against a biological man.

I would never, ever in a million years allow my daughter to compete against a biological man.

Even my hat has a hat.

Even my hat has a hat.

Our next health story should be of particular interest to our teen viewers. Who suffer from crippling glaucoma. For centuries, marijuana has been used as a self-prescribed remedy for the terminal disease known as being alive. But last week, the Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law.

Our next health story should be of particular interest to our teen viewers. Who suffer from crippling glaucoma. For centuries, marijuana has been used as a self-prescribed remedy for the terminal disease known as being alive. But last week, the Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law.

It's a case that figures to settle once and for all the legality of medical marijuana and thereby affect the lives of no fewer than .0001% of American marijuana smokers.

It's a case that figures to settle once and for all the legality of medical marijuana and thereby affect the lives of no fewer than .0001% of American marijuana smokers.

The federal government maintains, however, that marijuana, or as it's known on the street, funny pot cigarettes, is illegal, period, and has severely criticized prescribing the drug to those freewheeling, long-haired, hippie AIDS and cancer patients just trying to score a free high off Uncle Sam. Those people are sick. Seriously, they're sick and they need help.