Susan Stiffelman

speaker

353 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Oct 2019 last heard Oct 2019

Susan Stiffelman’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles · 20 Oct 2019 podcast

If you think about the people you have said yes to.

Or the classes that you tried harder to do well in when you were in school, even if you didn't know the subject very well, or even if the request that someone's making of you is something you don't really want to do, if the connection with that person

is sweet and strong, you feel that they really know you and like you.

then you're just much more likely to try harder to please that person.

So I talk about Gordon Newfeld's six stages of attachment, which I won't go into in today, but that there are these elements that children move through as they grow.

each of which has ways that we can deepen and strengthen connection and attachment.

And being known is kind of the the final stage from six on.

And it has to do with

A child knowing that it's safe to come to us with all of who they are, that they don't have to censor themselves or hide parts of themselves to be loved and celebrated and accepted by us.

And sometimes that means that we need to

examine ourselves if something about them or about their behavior is triggering us so that we can show up for them or show up with them.

with a full embrace, you know, I want to know you.

I want to listen.

Tell me more.

I love that you're this way.

I love that you have shown me this in myself.

Or I love the way you are with

little children or animals, that the child has a sense of being seen by you, enjoyed by you, and it just shifts the whole dynamic with our children when that attachment is is sweet and close.

It is so sad when our precious child is not seen and celebrated by someone that they spend time with for many, many hours a day, day in and day out.

So of course, everything that you can do to foster a connection, whether that means that you invite the teacher out for lunch or over for dinner, you share photos of your child growing up, you go in early, you help in the classroom before school begins at the school year so that they can get to know each other.

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