Susan Stiffelman

speaker

353 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Oct 2019 last heard Oct 2019

Susan Stiffelman’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles · 20 Oct 2019 podcast

And I think if you go to my website, we have a report or uh there's a way to get a free report because I've sort of outlined about six or seven.

But think about it this way, you can't have a power struggle with one person.

So if you imagine a rope and on the cover of my first book, there's a hand pulling like a tug of rope.

It only works if both people on each end of the rope are pulling in their own direction.

So one of the ways that I encourage parents to step away from that dynamic

is to not pick up the rope.

Meaning

And there's a great quote and it goes like this He who is most attached to a particular outcome has the least amount of power.

So we get into power struggles with our kids.

For good reasons, you know, we want them to brush their teeth, we want them to put their shoes on, we want them to do their homework, we want them to stay in bed and not keep popping out.

These are all legitimate

frustrations that parents go through every day.

But when we're attached to whether our child does it or whether they do it within the next 10 seconds, it can make things very interesting for our kids, meaning that

Depending on the quality of the connection, which I believe is an underlying element so important to the parent-child relationship, which isn't always easy, particularly in your community.

I understand sometimes forging that solid, sturdy, warm connection can be a little bit more difficult.

But when connection, when the child feels liked, seen, and enjoyed,

There's generally a bias toward being more cooperative.

It becomes less interesting to see what you'll do if you're really attached to them getting their shoes on.

If number one, they feel really close to you, they feel connected to you, you've had a cuddle or you've played checkers or you've had a good laugh.

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