Susan Stiffelman

speaker

353 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Oct 2019 last heard Oct 2019

Susan Stiffelman’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles · 20 Oct 2019 podcast

if they don't feel that you're as desperate and needy for them to to get their shoes on.

So I talk about the three ways we can interact with our kids.

One is as that calm

Captain of the ship who's in charge who sees what needs to go on but isn't profoundly attached, doesn't make a yes or a no determine or define their success as a captain or in our case as a parent.

And then there's the lawyer.

And the lawyer is where we're arguing and negotiating, and that's this is where power struggles really uh are born.

And then there's the dictator.

And the dictator is feeling out of control and desperate and unappreciated and overwhelmed and disrespected.

And they tend to try and overpower or intimidate the child, threaten the child, bribe the child into doing what they want because they they don't see any other option for moving things forward.

Well, let's let's take it even a step further for those of you who are visual.

And I always do this with my hand, even though you can't see me.

So imagine I'm holding my right hand in a fist and it's above my left hand in a fist.

The right hand represents you as the parent, and when it's above the child left hand,

So holding them in front of me, I've got my right hand above my left.

That represents you as being the the captain of the ship calmly and confidently in charge.

So the child's hand, you know, the child might say, I really want to see this um movie, you know, horror on death street.

you know, your nine year old says this and you as the captain of the ship say, Oh sweetheart, you know, it sounds fabulous, but but but that won't be something that you that that you can see.

And now of course because the child for lots of reasons, but it might be that friends have seen it or friends claim that they've seen it or they want to impress their friends by saying they've seen it, the child really wants to see it.

And so now the child says

Why not?

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