Susie Shaw

speaker

640 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jul 2026 last heard 8 Jul

Susie Shaw’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.

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Modern Love · Ask Me About My Dead Son · 8 Jul 2026 podcast

Like we, it was really hard to be intimate.

I was curious about that actually.

Yeah, it was.

I felt William between us all the time.

All the time.

And I think, let's see, February, March, April, May, June.

It was like five or six months before we ended up having sex for the first time after William died.

And I bawled my eyes out afterwards.

I was so sad.

And I was like, I don't want to feel this good because I should never feel this good ever again.

I didn't deserve, I didn't deserve to feel this good because my child had died.

I felt so much shame from his death.

Like our one job as parents is to keep our kids alive and I failed.

So there was so much shame.

I also, I didn't ever want to feel good ever again in anything.

I used to be a figure skater, and I didn't want to go back to figure skating because I got so much joy out of that.

And so I was like, I could never do it again because I shouldn't be allowed to have that much joy.

Yeah, you just—you feel like you should be just imprisoned in your pain.

It really did.

To truly feel it.

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