Tana Mongeau

and it that hurts in so many ways too because it was everything that I had earned so hard trying to get away from them and like all of those things and you know I look back at those now sometimes with a little bit of regret because me now would fight it me now would fight it but I wasn't me now and I wasn't capable and like you know it is what it is I guess but I'm so sorry though Tana because like hearing that it's like knowing where you were at in your life at that point having you

And I had to just stomach that, like, that's what I was to you.

You're never going to take accountability.

And I think I spent so much of my life living in this hope that they would wake up one day and take accountability, that they would wake up one day and be the parents I wanted them to be.

And it just wasn't the truth.

So I think that everything happened for a reason in that way to protect me from it.

it is funny even now in this era of life i just spoke to them for the last and final time since then because my birth mother is about to die and that was a big thing it was so interesting across doing brand safe i'm doing all these things that i'm so happy about but i'm going through one of the deepest struggles of my life because no contact is one thing but death is so finite and knowing that we just

never got that we will and we never will in this lifetime and we you know but i i worked through that i got a lot of therapy through that and worked i'm still working through it actively and it's it is one of those things where it's an unfillable void and i spent so long trying to fill the void with everything los angeles and everywhere else had to offer

And eventually you have to make friends with that void and know that it's always a shadow in the room and you see the parents at the park with their kid and it breaks your heart a little bit or you see different things like that.

Makoa was just teaching me how to ride a bike and it ended up

bringing up all this trauma for me of like i never got to learn this and it was this big metaphor for my life that i was just robbed from all the things because i was like in writing my book i'm almost noticing that like i had to be an adult and then now i'm getting to be a child it's almost this benjamin button effect of like i had to like raise myself and like figure it all out and i was robbed of a lot but i made peace with it i really you know i'm gonna be a great fucking kick-ass mom

themselves yes and i think and they call for amari's family i mean i don't know where i would be they took me in and they showed me holidays can be a day where you aren't screaming at the top of your lungs and then you know i always say that they have dedicated their lives to adopting me and putting band-aids on the wounds they didn't create effortlessly effortlessly effortlessly with all of the they give all of their time and they you know i'm a steward they they made me

understand what it's like to have a mother and a father and siblings and love and that family love is unconditional and I'm just I'm going home for Mother's Day right after this and it's I'm so grateful for this life like I wouldn't I wouldn't change a damn thing you know and it's it's so impressive what you've built it's also so incredible I think people love seeing you with Makoa because you can just feel how

like literally no but how do you think makoa and you and like your life like what do you guys talk about for your future because you just said like i'm gonna be a great mom one day like have you talked about marriage have you talked about kids like i mean even as i'm talking about all these memories like even as i was saying like as we were just talking about you know not having my parents there to like celebrate or be there for me or anything like i would there i remember there was this night on the canceled tour we where we had just done this show

to thousands and thousands of people and we had ended one of the runs and it was our last show and I got back to the hotel room and everyone else is like celebrating and I just got in bed and I sobbed because I was like,

it's sad to me, you know, that like, that there are moments that like, I wish I had like, you know, that they could have been there and seen this and were capable of that.

And he would just hold me and like, tell me everything's going to be okay.

And like the way he's extended his incredible, huge, awesome, perfect.

They're perfect.

I love them so much.