Tanya Coons
speaker
411 appearances
4 recordings
1 series
first heard Sep 2020
last heard Aug 2022
Tanya Coons’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
that we can't meet 100% of our partner's needs in a relationship.
It is not possible and it's too much responsibility.
And it's unrealistic for anyone to be expecting or assuming that, right?
So we need to know, like I say to people all the time, if you're getting 75% of your needs met in a relationship, you're doing pretty well, yeah?
100% is a really high target and it's going to cause pressure.
So we need to bear that in mind and that can apply to sexual relationships as well.
feel for people like they're being cheated on,
It can feel for them like they feel like they should be behaving or doing the things that they see the folk in the porn doing.
Or they can feel intimidated and think, I need to look like the people in the porn that my partner's looking at.
And often results in them feeling not good enough or not sexual enough or not sexy enough.
Whereas their partners are often trying to explain to them, this is a separate activity to you and I. I think you're sexy and hot.
I love what we do.
The porn is something different and it's part of my sexual repertoire.
It's in no means any negative reflection on yourself.
I think we need to be careful because sometimes people will substitute masturbation if they're not feeling confident with their partner.
I know a lot of clients I have with penises have felt so stressed about trying to pleasure partners that they're playing with that have vulvas and they're not quite sure how vulvas work or what their partner likes.
Their partner hasn't been very clear in letting them know what works.
So they can get so anxious that they prefer to just go and be alone and masturbate than to spend time working out what their partner wants.
That's definitely a thing.
Yeah, I would probably have a chat with my partner about that and just say, hey, you know, I looked at your Insta and it's pretty cool.
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