Tanya Coons

speaker

3,654 appearances 23 recordings 1 series first heard Feb 2016 last heard Aug 2022

Tanya Coons’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

Trend

recordings per month · last 12 months

No recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.

Appearances

newest first · ▶ plays the moment

The Hook Up · Fighting the good fight · 20 May 2019 podcast

So it's kind of pointing that out and saying, Hey, you know, I wonder what it would be like if we could just drop that defensiveness for a second while I tell you how I feel. matched

And a way to bring something up that might be easier for people to hear. 'Cause when you start sentences with you, you always and you never, they kind of come with a pointy finger and they make they make people defensive naturally to that sort of language. matched

So if you want to bring something up, the best way to do it is to say, I feel insert the feeling. matched

uh when insert the behaviour or the situation, how I make sense of it is. matched

This is the big one for other people to understand what's going on for us. matched

And then what I would like is matched

So an example that I'd like to use is um I feel really angry and upset when I come into the kitchen and find jam and toast crumbs all over the counter. matched

How I make sense of it is you don't care about me. matched

What I would like is to have a clean kitchen and like everybody else has when they come down for breakfast. matched

Right? matched

It's not you always leave a mess, I'm so sick of this and b you know, that sort of matched

Pent up sort of emotion that goes from hanging on to it. matched

Does that make sense? matched

It's really hard when your partner's defensive 'cause it may be something that they naturally bring into arguments. matched

So I'm not gonna say this is easy, but it is worth having a try. matched

So why does matched

Tans? matched

So you've you've argued yourselves into the into agreement. matched

I think that's probably when the brain's flooding 'cause you've gone way past your three to five minutes there. matched

So it's probably you get very tired and in the end it's like, What were we arguing about again? matched

Showing 961–980 of 3,654 · page 49 of 183