Teresa Strasser

I'll tell you, all that stuff that we remember from our childhood, like your parents always had that one friend that was born in a cab.

My mom was actually born in a cab, up on blocks in the driveway of the house, but technically in a cab.

Yeah, we're too cheap to go to the OR.

But yeah, it will, the whole scheduled C-section is going to, there's a few things we definitely, our kids are going to miss.

We're going to miss the stories of the births in the cabs.

And they're going to miss that kid with the one short leg with the extra add-a-leaf onto a sole of his Nike.

That kid ain't around anymore either.

I think they fix him now.

They fix his, there's, all right, there's a bunch of stuff that our kids are going to really, they're really going to get the shiv.

Here's how they're getting fucked at school.

Let me tell you.

First off, no peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I mean, the staple of a young diet.

Nothing, it's the only sandwich that tastes better after it steeps in the sun for six hours.

Somehow the jelly and the peanut butter infuse and then the oil from the peanut butter starts seeping into the bread.

It's the only one that gets better.

You get one and you're like, that better not be fresh.

That better be old.

Like a fine wine, you get a decanter and you let it sit for a while.

I take a bite and spit it into a spittoon and roll it around.