Teresa Strasser

I think they fix him now.

They fix his, there's, all right, there's a bunch of stuff that our kids are going to really, they're really going to get the shiv.

Here's how they're getting fucked at school.

Let me tell you.

First off, no peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I mean, the staple of a young diet.

Nothing, it's the only sandwich that tastes better after it steeps in the sun for six hours.

Somehow the jelly and the peanut butter infuse and then the oil from the peanut butter starts seeping into the bread.

It's the only one that gets better.

You get one and you're like, that better not be fresh.

That better be old.

Like a fine wine, you get a decanter and you let it sit for a while.

I take a bite and spit it into a spittoon and roll it around.

Then I take a palate cleanser of like an animal cracker.

Yes, it is.

Because if you think about it, like egg salad starts to go south, you know, bologna, all this stuff with the miracle whip and the mayonnaise and the tuna, it all just gets hot and the bread gets yucky and it starts to go south.

Because a sandwich is made at 6.30 or 7 in the morning, but it's consumed at noon or 12.30 or 1 o'clock, right?

So it's got to travel.

And it's not like you have a refrigerator or anything in your homeroom.

The thing just sits out, gets hot, sits in the sun, in the locker, what have you.