Terry Real
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
We're going to go into shame.
We don't have the capacity to feel proportionately bad about the imperfection.
Okay, you're right, I screwed up.
What can I do to help?
It's like, oh, you mean I didn't hit a homer?
That means I'm a loser.
And we defend against the overwhelm of our own lack of self-worth.
What do you mean I'm not perfect?
We defend against that awful feeling, and it's an awful feeling, by warding off the criticism.
Well, wait a minute.
You have to understand.
Well, you – I mean, you know, we do all these defensive things that women always complain we do, and we do because we're protecting ourselves from the overwhelm of getting swamped.
I'm a bad guy.
So –
Interestingly, I teach men self-esteem as a way of helping them be accountable in their relationship.
Interesting.
If you don't have healthy self-esteem, you can't afford to be accountable because it's too overwhelming to admit how imperfect you are.
Absolutely.
What happens to us?
Look, I've been married 40 years.