Vanessa Marin

You want her to have a good time.

The problem is that us women, we've been fed so much crap about our pleasure for our entire lives.

We've been taught to believe that, you know, our bodies are, they're icky and weird and gross and our pleasure is, it's so complicated and the clitoris is so mysterious and where is it?

Does it even exist?

And we've been taught to be caretakers.

So it's, it feels selfish to us to be the center of attention, to let ourselves, you know, receive from our partners.

We have all the misinformation about how our orgasm really works.

Like I always share very openly, I struggled with my orgasm for years.

I never orgasmed with a partner until I met Xander.

And it wasn't because my partners didn't care.

It was because I was dealing with my own crap around, you know, allowing myself to receive pleasure and understanding how my body worked.

Even being a freaking sex therapist, I still struggled with that.

So, you know, men genuinely want their partner to feel good.

I think it feels good to a man to provide pleasure to a woman, right?

And I think a lot of women don't get that.

And a lot of women, we sabotage our own ability to feel that pleasure because we won't allow him to focus on us.

We fake orgasms so he gets the idea that what he's doing is working even though it's not.

We tell him,

Oh, you know, we let him touch us for a few seconds.

Like, okay, let's move on.