Vicky Reynal
speaker
48 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Vicky Reynal’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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I always invite people to be curious about what they imagine more money will get them. The other way in which I ask the question is when they say I don't have enough. I ask, well, enough for what?
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Well, in my experience, our attitude towards money is shaped throughout our life, sometimes starting quite early. And what I found working as a financial psychotherapist is that when people get stuck in behaviors that are unhelpful financially, and they kind of know what they should be doing differently, but they can't change it.
it's because there's unconscious feelings that are getting in the way.
And those feelings could be related to early experiences, some that are not even money related, that have nothing to do with the money lessons they learned growing up, but actually have more to do with other experiences of attaching to others or past trauma and all sorts of different experiences that I'm happy to give you examples of.
Yeah, so for example, I've seen overspending being linked to a desire to fit in. Maybe a desire to fit in that was rooted in experiences feeling like the odd one out in school or maybe experiences of being bullied. There's
other spending behaviors like um well a difficulty with spending money that could be linked to not feeling worthy worthy of the good things that money can buy and that low sense of worth could be rooted in experiences with our early caregivers. So how, whether we felt good enough in our family growing up.
And even more extreme financial behaviors like stealing, for example, could be rooted in an early abandonment where we felt kind of deprived of something growing up. And as adults, we're trying to claim it back. And that manifests itself through money.
I think there might be areas of financial life that people might struggle with more or less. But sometimes, even if somebody, let's say, tends to be quite reasonable when it comes to money and spending and saving, there could be pockets of their behavior that is unusual or different.
And that's where I would draw their attention to, you know, why is it that even though you're generally, I don't know, a generous person, why is it that you sometimes become really withholding with money with that particular friend or with that particular group of friends.
And I think sometimes even spotting the inconsistencies in our money behavior can give us a lot of information about what could be going on emotionally for us in that particular situation or in that particular relationship.
Well, more often than not, people tend to blame themselves when it comes to money. I find even though I know that the group of people that I see come to me because they think they are the problem, I think the issue of shame around money is quite universal. Most people I meet even outside the consulting room, feel they should be better with money than they are.
Even people who might work in the financial services industry, you know, might confess to me that actually, when it comes to my personal finances, you know, it's a bit of a mess, and I wish I could be better at this or better at that. And there's generally this kind of this sense that
it's almost an innate skill that we should all be good at for some reason, even though the reality is that most of us weren't really taught much about money growing up from our parents and it wasn't taught in most schools. And so why should we be better with money? And I think that fuels a certain sense of shame about it.
And the fact that it's a taboo and people don't talk about it, I think fuels that sense of embarrassment and shame.
I think that's a fantastic question. And actually, I always turn it back to the client. I always say, well, what does that mean? And even when people set resolutions for the new year and they say, well, next year, I want to be better with money. Well, that's too broad. We need to understand what is it that you feel you're struggling with.
And it could be, as you pointed out, a whole set of reasons that why they feel that way. Some people are very bad with their spending with their budgeting, they might be very impulsive. And that's probably the most common money problem you'll see out there. But you know, it can be a difficulty enjoying money, and a difficulty
saving or investing, I think there's a lot of not knowing when it comes to investing, you know, people are not very educated about investing. And so they avoid it, and they don't do enough of it, they put it away, they procrastinate it and, and it never gets done. And it kind of lurks and in the back of their minds as something they should be doing more of.
But it's kind of the fear of not knowing enough making mistakes that stops them from engaging with it.
Well, you know, avoidance and vagueness, I find are two very common defenses, psychological defenses that people use when it comes to money. So either they don't look at it, you know, there's plenty of people who will not open bills and really not attend to financial matters until it's absolutely necessary. And vagueness, you know, this, oh, I need to be better, you know, I should save more.
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