Will Bynum

speaker

273 appearances 4 recordings 1 series first heard Sep 2022 last heard Oct 2022

Will Bynum’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Nocturnists · 1 - Shame in Medicine: Hello, Shame · 13 Sep 2022 podcast

by myself in the corner, back against the wall, slumped down on the floor, head and hands behind a chair, literally hiding.

And as bad as that emotional experience was, I was not prepared for the shame that was coming.

So when I left the patient's room and found my way into this meditation room,

I was having a lot of just acute emotion.

And as that died down, these different feelings started to creep in and they were driven by really what was a voice in my head that prior to that point had been whispering, are you really good enough to be here?

Are you the strong resident that you're seen to be?

It was a quiet questioning that was coming from the voice in my head that I could usually drown out.

But now that voice was screaming at me.

I mean, it was, it was yelling.

And they were beliefs that I had about myself.

You are not confident enough.

You are unworthy.

You are a bad doctor.

You're a bad person.

You know, I come to know myself as at least a resident who was willing to work hard and increasingly who was worthy of being trusted.

In a moment that was just gone, evaporated.

For a while, I mean days, it was an unimpeded voice.

There was no counter voice.

There was no logic or rational thinking or perspective that I could come up with that would tell that voice it was wrong or overly harsh or inappropriate.

So for a while, I just believed it.

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