Dr. Phil Makes Bert Cry | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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Who is Dr. Phil and why is he a special guest?
100%. Brand new Two Bears, One Cave, and I am lucky enough to be joined by a man that would be perfect in my life right now because I am going through a moment. My current partner, Tom Segura, is looking at ski chalets in Switzerland, purchasing.
That's what he's calling it. Yeah. I remember when I had my ski chalet phase. We know what it is, Tom. We know who you are.
Did you ever cheat on your wife?
multiple times okay yeah let's get into it let's say from the early 90s was a time when everybody was fucking around trying to figure out who they were and why they were right but i think you know when you start to shed some weight you start to talk about seeing your dick more yeah that happened for me about 2005 2006 so then you started going well other people need to see this i don't realize what i was packing between these thighs oh let me tell you i had to lose 50 pounds to see my dick For sure. Let me finish my story. But what I was saying was that, you know, when you start jerking off, I don't want to get too filthy too quick, but there's porn cheating and there's real live in the flesh cheating. I've done the porn cheating. And I'm not done. And then there's blow-up doll cheating, too.
Yeah, oh, like a flashlight.
No, I mean like a blow-up doll, like I said. Fleshlight is more of a toy that I encourage to bring into the bedroom. The first time I ever cheated on my Fleshlight was with my wife. Really? Hold that thought. We'll be right back. No, we'll keep it right here. I think that porn is healthy, but it can get in the way of your day-to-day. And I don't mean to rhyme so early in the podcast. No, I appreciate it. Well, I know you do. I know that there's something about stability and longevity that provides a stability and a connection to the understanding and the education of who you are and who you want to be. Tom is, I guarantee you, in the bathroom of a Delta flight on the way to where? Nova Scotia?
yeah I know Switzerland it doesn't matter but he's jerking off in the bathroom because he can't contain himself and you get to a certain point in life where you go I have to I need to and then you'll reflect and dissect later yeah I agree what was the question uh Cheating on your wife, yeah. But look, I think that there's, look, tomato, tomato, Ray Romano. But I also think that you got to have a reason and a risk-reward meter on you at all times. You had a birthday last night.
I had a birthday last night.
And you had a birthday. You treated it like a young college girl. You made it a birthday month, didn't you?
It's a whole month is November birthday. Yeah.
I love that. Guys should start doing that too. It's mostly a female thing. Usually it's my birthday year. It's my birthday year. Well, you know what? It can also be a fella's birthday month.
Yeah. Well, here's what happened. I tried to remember all the birthdays that I could out of all of them. And I can only remember 11 birthdays. And I realized that's really sad. Oh, for your own birthday. My own birthdays. I have number 10 was we moved in a new house. Number 11, I don't remember anything before number 10. Number 11, I got my teeth knocked out with a baseball bat on my birthday. About Mark McGuire? No, no, my dad. We'll come back to that. I was talking. It was back in the day.
We've all talked back to our dad. We've all been hit with a bat.
No, it wasn't my dad. I never met the kid. He swung the bat. I fielded the ball. I was the catcher. I took my mask off. I threw it to third, and he hit me in the mouth with a baseball bat. I remember 16. I remember 18. I remember 21. I remember 26. I remember 27. I remember 29. I remember 30. And then 49, 50, and 51. I love that you can remember what you remember.
Does that make sense? No. So I love that you took time to make sure that on certain birthdays you weren't going to forget, right? That's what I did this past birthday.
I'll never forget this birthday.
52.
Holy shit.
Yeah. Or 49. I was thinking, and I'd love your opinion, that at 50, what if I start going backwards? What do you mean by that? So I go at 50. Instead of saying I'm 52, I say I'm 48, and I start going down the numbers to see if I can get to zero.
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Chapters
4 chaptersSpeakers
5 identifiedMore from 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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