The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer 1h 16m 4 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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What topics do Tim and Bart discuss at the start of the episode?

Bert Kreischer 0:00
Hundred percent.

How do the hosts describe the challenges of “fat guy problems”?

Tom Segura 0:05
And we're back.

What insights do they share about Tiger Woods’ personal life?

Tom Segura 0:06
It's another episode of Two Bears One Cave.

Why do the hosts compare the old Bert pitching photo to the new one?

Tom Segura 0:08
We're here in Austin, Texas with my buddy.

What’s the story behind the text exchange with Noah Beck’s sister?

Tom Segura 0:11
Bert and uh this is our week, man.

How do they talk about age differences and dating dynamics?

Tom Segura 0:13
This is our week.

What wild drug stories do they recount and why?

Tom Segura 0:14
This is Netflix is a joke week.

How do they wrap up the episode and preview upcoming events?

Tom Segura 0:15
We are gonna be in Los Angeles this week. Uh there's a bunch of shit going on, but most importantly, the 5k, the 2 Bears 5K. If you have not yet registered, go to 2bears5k.com. It'll be May 9th in Pasadena at the Rose Bowl. It is one big party. What I'm saying is, we are not elite runners, and a lot of People who show up show up just to walk, to feel like they're part of a community. Some people jog, some people run, walk, some people fucking sprint. You can participate in any which way you want to, but know that we have recovery centers, we have entertainment, we have food, we have porosos.
Bert Kreischer 0:52
We've decked this place out. We will have everything cold plunges, saunas. It's year
Tom Segura 0:56
three. We have it dialed in, dude.
Bert Kreischer 0:57
Yeah. This is this is the best 5K out there without a doubt. And uh and and it it's a blast. And like I said, let us be your first five K. We are great entry level 5K.
Tom Segura 1:09
It's so fun. It really is so fun. A lot of comedians will be there. Um, a lot of your favorites will show up. There's gonna be actors and singer. All types of celebs will be there, but it's really about just the community atmosphere and it really is so much fun. I never thought that this would be something that would happen in my life. And I've done I've done ours, obviously. This will be the third in a row. I've done other ones. There's nothing like this thing. There really is nothing like
Bert Kreischer 1:34
I'm so glad we we've had a bunch of stupid ideas and I'm so glad this one stuck around. This is a great idea. This is uh and this is probably the best idea we've ever had because it's a the a a small amount of work on our part. Yeah. Our teams take care of it, they kinda plan everything, and uh and we just run. I'm gonna be fucking flying this year. Yeah, you are. I know. I mean, probably from last year, you're probably down like forty pounds or something, right? Oh. Oh, I d I couldn't even tell you. I don't know. I don't I I've never It's so funny when you when you start to get healthy, certain things like There's this guy that's got this Instagram account, and he's like, and it's I I wish I could give him a shout out, but he's like, things fat guys do.
Bert Kreischer 2:14
And it's all he does is things fat guys do. Like sits down on the couch and then puts a pillow over his stomach. Oh my god. And I go, I do that all the time. Or like just tugging his shirt, like like having like the pool. The pull away. And um, and the and I I could tell you things unhealthy guys do, like unhealthy. Healthy guys will never let you take their blood pressure.
Tom Segura 2:36
Uh, I've never heard somebody so aggressive towards somebody than when I've been with you and somebody's like I like to get an IV, it's usually a standard thing where they go just take your blood and you'll go, Don't fucking do that shit And I'm like, Holy shit.
Bert Kreischer 2:51
I I I said something about that on stage the other night is like if you're with a guy who doesn't like his blood pressure getting tight, he's the who needs to get his blood pressure tight. Of course. And uh I've seen you get aggressive. My blo I take my blood pressure every fucking day now and I take a picture of it and I send it to my cardiologist. One eleven over seventy two this morning. I don't know anything about blood pressure.
Tom Segura 3:11
I do. That's is that good? It's perfect. It's fucked up. What was it? What was it when it was bad? Like
Bert Kreischer 3:18
what was the when I was in the hospital with the blood clot, it was one seventy over one ten. Which is which is like That's not good. It's not good. And it it was so bad they turned the thing so I couldn't see it. Really? Yeah. And uh and the guy said to me, I told you this, but the guy said to me when I was in the CAT scan, he's like, Are you having a heart attack? 'Cause it was the blood pressure was just sky and now what happens when you get injured when you're in pain or injured, your blood pressure raises. Yeah. So I had a blood clot and

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