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Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fan-selected clips from all 17 years of The Adam Corolla Show. If you'd like to access the archives of the ACS, The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, as well as the newer podcast, Beat It Out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack, adamcorolla.substack.com.
Sign up, subscribe, and listen ad-free. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us, classicsadamcorolla.com. Note, we can only play material from The Adam Corolla Show. We could probably play some Adam and Drew Show as well, but they already do their Adam and Dr. Drew Show classics, so we don't really want to step on that. Nobody ever asked for anything from Ace on the House.
I could probably pull from Ace on the House as well. Let me know. In terms of Loveline and the Adam Carolla Show that aired on KLSX from 2006 to 2009, none of those clips can be played. I am remastering both of those shows. If you'd like more information, check out my Patreon, patreon.com slash Giovanni. All right, let's get to the clips.
Coming up first, we have Adam Carolla Show 1055 with Matt Walsh, good Matt Walsh, David Alan Greer, Alison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2013, live on stage at the Irvine Improv. Hope you guys enjoy.
At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV. Then I heard a voice.
Come with me if you want to live.
There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. The truth is ours. It's just so beautiful.
On Pluto TV, free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe, Arrow, The 100, and The X-Files. May cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.
The gentleman to my left is Allison Rosen on news and commentary. I love you. Thank you. And, of course, Ball Brian on sound effects. A couple good things. A little something about motivation. Every morning when I'm asleep and my kids are going to school, my son comes up, gives me a nice kiss on the lips and says, yeah, no tongue. A little tongue. Not much tongue.
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Chapter 2: How does the conversation about parenting unfold?
Louisville, Kentucky. They can't even read English down there. It just hurts. Still heavily influenced by Jim Crow over there, and yet they come in.
Why do you bring race into it when it's about basketball?
Yeah, no, everything's about race for me.
You never went to college. You don't understand.
I don't even like the fact that this table's black. I ordered a white table. You don't know what it's like, the college experience, because you never went there. I wish I did. You grew up like a poor black child. I did. I did. Except for my dad was around, but not really. You know what I mean? Was that him in the back?
Ha, ha, ha.
No, you couldn't hear him laugh. Yeah. Yeah, so Michigan lost, and I know that's upsetting. They didn't lose. They won, but it was taken from them. Right, right. They just didn't score as much. Right. Like I tell my daughter, there are no losers, right, guys?
We're all winners.
Yeah, it just ran out of time.
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Chapter 3: What comedic insights are shared about improv?
And what does the ATM have to do with the pussy eating? I'll just give her a little cash. Now tie that into your... I'm just saying, how bad... You lost three-tenths of a second of your life. In return, you got a hand with a My Bad. Do we have to fucking settle this?
The hand is throwing in the white towel. Sorry, Dag. Yeah. I think that should be it. Because I'm always throwing my hand up.
Yeah, but we should use that. Hold up, I'm talking. Do you see what I deal with, man? I'm being attacked.
Why the fuck is he attacking me? Go ahead, man.
Yeah, but no, the white towel is surrender. Yeah, right, whatever. The black towel's not surrender. You know what I'm saying?
I didn't have to come out here. That's all I'm saying.
He didn't have to, but he wanted to, everyone. You have cards. David Alan Greer, that's right. You can find him in the new movie. Oh, I just saw this. I didn't see the movie, but I saw the billboard. Peoples, everybody. Well, that's a commitment. That is, man. Presented by Tyler Perry. I'm going to ask this. I said presented by Tyler Perry. More harm than good. No.
By Tyler Perry or from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan? What is more diminishing returns? Tyler Perry.
That's makeup, by the way. You know that's not me. Yeah, that's Dag. My shit is natural. Yeah, Dag.
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Chapter 4: What is LL Cool J's role in the song mentioned?
And then he makes his case.
I thought LL Cool J just hosted things. Well, he's hosting the song. Oh, he's hosting the song. Okay.
And then they come together, and that's what we're going to hear. Yes, yes. Is this song, like, is it number one on the country charts? No. I don't know how it's doing, but I'm going to guess it's not number one.
But I have heard of it, so it's causing a stir.
Because a whole bunch of people were tweeting when it came out.
Well, we need to start a dialogue on racism.
Right.
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Chapter 5: How do the hosts address the topic of racism in music?
Yeah.
I feel like you've been doing that.
You need to start a dialogue, man.
Okay, let's hear it, and then I'll tell you what Brad Paisley said about everyone's reaction to it. So here it is. All right. If you don't judge my direct, I won't judge your red flag. If you don't judge by gold chains.
That black guy should shut up so we can hear Brad say.
You just talk it out. I know you don't hate me. Because you my accidental homie, homie. Yeah, I love you too like you my motherfucker. The relationship between the Mason Dixon needs some fixing. The relationship between the Mason Dixon needs some fixing.
Wow. LL, he got it. So when he showed up at like the Nashville recording studio, they like handed him a mop and went, listen, you're late, man.
Hey, man, nobody's handed LL Cool J a mop.
No.
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Chapter 6: What humorous plans does the host propose involving a prosthetic?
You know what I'm going to do? What? I'm going to... I figured... All right, I have two ideas that would just... Here's my... And I shouldn't be saying them out loud, but here goes. Here goes. All right, you know I've mentioned that there's certain bathrooms, like when I was in the Phoenix airport last week, and they don't have partitions in between. They don't? No, not in between the urinals.
And the same, the new JFK United terminal doesn't have the fucking partitions in it. What? There's a handful of airports and public places that don't have the partition through there. I have two plans.
What kind of plans?
My first plan is to get the huge prosthetic cock that Mark Wahlberg wore in Boogie Nights. Do you have to get that one or one like it? One like it. That one's at the Smithsonian. I'm not going to steal that. You know what I mean? That's one of those national treasure themes there. I don't want to get into that. Plus it's been lived in. Just a huge prosthetic cock.
Hold on a second. Paul Nathan was saying something. What's going on over there, bro? What is it? Plus, that one's been lived in. It's been lived in.
That's right. I want one that has a minty fresh, new cocksmell. Off the rock. And then what I'm going to do is I'm going to travel around the country to a few airports. I'm going to wait until guys go in there. I'm going to come in there. I'm going to pull out this huge dork, and I'm just going to stand there. But I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. But guys will notice. No, they won't.
No, they'll be a little peripheral.
Oh, yeah, we're pissing.
You won't miss this. Am I really pissed? Yeah, I'm not looking at your dick is what I'm saying.
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Chapter 7: What is the significance of the Stanley Cup playoffs mentioned?
Yeah. All right. Anyway, no, number one sports is, in fact, brought to you by scorebig.com, the first place you should go for tickets. Save up to 60% and get an extra $15 off your first order. When you use the promo code ADAM, why would the promo code be ADAM? It should be something like Chipotle. Chipotle. Something like that. But anyway, thanks to scorebig.com. Tickets of all sorts for you.
Take a look at those. You mentioned the Stanley Cup playoffs ace. Some crazy stuff happened in round one. The Boston Bruins rallied from three goals down to dump the Leafs. They're now playing an original six matchup against the Blue Shirts of New York. The Rangers and the Bruins will be getting it on. Sporty Simmons, over the moon about this.
I love Lou Cheech and Patrice Bergeron and all the rest of them because they're from Boston. Also, the Ottawa Senators will be playing the Pittsburgh Penguins who snuck past the New York Islanders. The Islanders gave Pittsburgh all they could handle. They survived it much to my pleasure in the chagrin. of an occasional guest here on this show, great writer and wonderful fella, Nick Santora.
We made a bet beforehand, a dinner bet, just a dinner bet. He's an Islanders guy. It was a foolish bet for him to make.
Nick's the guy who talked me down for my Christoph Waltz 13 or 15 to 1 basically bet where I was going to bet $1,000. Basically, I took $13,000 out of my pocket.
He got Mangria loaded the last time he was in here, if I remember correctly.
He hires a driver.
He said to me, but just before the Penguins played the closeout game, he let me know that, hey, I'll still get you your dinner, but just be prepared.
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Chapter 8: How do personal sports experiences influence opinions?
I am sitting in complete silence the entire dinner. So what's a skin off my nose is that? I don't care.
Buy me my food. I never feel bad for the guy with the losing team whose weekend is destroyed and is now sitting in mourning with all the mirrors covered up by sheets in the house. I always feel sorry for their wives. Here's a 40-something-year-old guy who doesn't even live in the state where his team plays anymore. He's been out of that state for 23 years.
Don't be a jerk.
Sitting shiva for some team that he has no involvement with.
If I could have one voicemail in the history of my life back ā I would have the one that you, Adam Carolla, sent to me in January of ought to the week before the Super Bowl in New Orleans. I flew back hoping to watch the Steelers coronation as they ruled supreme in the AFC. Unfortunately, they were upset by then a likable team, the New England Patriots.
This was Drew Bledsoe, Tom Brady, as they made that turn. The Steelers got upset. I was devastated.
I flew to Pittsburgh.
Yeah. Flew back. I get back. That message is waiting for me. And it goes something like, it was very long. It was literally like an eight, ten minute message.
It was ten minutes because I was driving to Loveline.
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