Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Well, in this episode, Monique Marvez is back, bringing the comedy. Also, we'll do the news with Dawson, and we'll do that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from The Adam Carolla Show. Prediction markets talk outcomes. BetOnline puts odds behind them. For decades, bettors... Have trusted BetOnline for accurate lines, deep prop markets, and real money action across every major sport.
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Whatever it is, it's a mystique that's held in high reverence by people in racing. March 22nd, join the Adam Carolla Show for a live podcast celebrating the legendary racing legacy of Paul Newman. You can drive hard and you're not going to win any races. The only way that you're ever going to win a race is just to... Be right on the edge of it all the time.
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Yeah, fine.
Sunday, March 22nd at the Jordan Family Events Center. Get your tickets now at adamcarolla.com. From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is The Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, Monique Marvez. Plus the news with me, Mike Dawson. And now, Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. Get it on, Monique Marvez. Very funny stand-up comedian.
Back in studio, live dates all over the place. I'll tell you about some of those in a moment or two. Good to see you again, Monique.
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Chapter 2: What are the differences in parenting styles mentioned?
If you rev match, you can drop it into that gear and you don't need the clutch. I have no idea.
So many good memories. My dad had an MG and he would let me change gears. Like I would sit in the passenger seat and he'd say, now, and I would get to change gears when I was a little kid.
Your dad... got a lot of living in, didn't he?
Oh, my dad, when I was a little girl, he'd say, I'm going to live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse. And I'd say, how are you going to do that? You're not good-looking now. But he was amazing, and he exposed me to so many things that in the 60s and early 70s, dads didn't do with little girls.
No.
I'm so grateful. And he gave me amazing advice. The best piece of advice I would pass on to any human, not just a girl. My dad said, Monique, one day you're going to be broke. One day you're going to be brokenhearted. Make sure it's not the same day.
Oh, man. I think there'd be quite a contrast between your father and my father in terms of how they approached life. Because I don't think – here's how – I will tell you how different your dad and my dad would be. I participated in the Toyota Grand Prix as a driver celebrity race five times. I won two times. I won once as a celebrity and then once in the pro division.
My dad, who lived in Altadena, where's the track? You know what? Let's try it. Oh, you know, at the time, he was in North Hollywood, probably. Let's see Studio City closer. Dawson, miles from Studio City, California to Long Beach, California. My dad lived, I'm going to guess, 23 miles from the track.
It was always on a Saturday, and my dad's never worked a Saturday, and he never went to one track. of those races. Wow. That's an incredible disdain for racing, I would say.
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Chapter 3: What stories are shared about Sebring and racing?
People would walk up to my dad after shows at the Miami Improv when I was just starting out, and they would say, you know me, everything I say is no hyperbole. People would walk up to my dad, Mr. Marvez, you must be so proud. Your daughter's bright or funny, whatever they'd say. This is my dad's answer. Monique was a fully formed demigod by the age of seven.
That's what he would tell people, and they would compliment me.
So going to Sebring, going – by the way, yes, Newman did participate in the Miami Grand Prix because they – it was even in a Miami Vice, I think, opening or episode. Oh, absolutely. They would show – the race and he rode, so what they would do is the Trans Am division where Newman was racing, not the Trans Am cars everybody, God, everyone drives me nuts.
I go, Newman drove his Nissan 300 in Trans Am. He drove a Trans Am? No, no, he drove a Nissan in Trans Am, the series Trans Am. They have all different kinds of cars. Like smoking the bannock? No, no. He drove an Oldsmobile Cutlass in the Trans Am series. There was an Oldsmobile Trans Am? Like, I realize people don't listen at all. That's why no one fucking knows anything.
But he was racing in that Trans Am race. In Miami. And his best friend and driving partner who drove the other Nissan Z, Jim Fitzgerald, died in that race.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. In, I don't know, 86, maybe 87. But Newman was... driving and your dad was probably down there watching Newman drive.
Absolutely. Absolutely. He was, you know, my dad was an immigrant. He was Venezuelan and he embraced American culture. You know how sometimes an immigrant is just so happy and delighted to be here. My dad just embraced American culture so Elvis.
Yeah, like Ilhan Omar. Oh, wait a second. She fucking hates this country. She wants everyone to be Somali and wear a do-rag. I love guys like your dad. I love the people who come here and go, this is the best place ever. And I love it. And I despise the ones who come here and talk shit about this country. It drives me nuts.
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Chapter 4: What advice did Monique's father give her?
Well, the reality is we, whatever you want to put in air quotes, always pay the money.
Yes.
And here's very interesting. I used to be on KFI. I did a talk show on KFI.
I know it well.
Thank you. Well, the station, maybe not my show. No, I know your show. I would listen to it.
Thank you. I'd listen to it on the weekend.
Thank you. I'm honored.
Was it Saturday?
Yep. Wow. I really am flattered and honored.
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Chapter 5: What should you disclose in a relationship?
I feel like when people – it's different if you're not going to be long-term intimate with somebody. But if there's a chance that there's going to be some sort of relationship – I remember I did a whole radio show on things you should disclose and things that you shouldn't. And I think that – I think if somebody's on serious medication or – I had a guy just tell me –
Right out, he said, I'm in remission. I'm taking this very serious drug by Novartis. I have cytoplastic leukemia, but right now I'm in remission. And I thought that was very cool. And I said, if you're not married and you're not gay and God gives you a hall pass out of this relationship, I'm okay with that.
He said, I just felt I needed to tell you, like, I could come out of remission and die very quickly.
Chapter 6: How does size affect relationships and perceptions?
I was like, I can handle that.
That's a guy who wants a blowjob who's lying.
No, he really did die. People would ask me, do you have a boyfriend? I'd say, let me call home and see if he's alive.
Jesus Christ. Yeah. All right, fine. Okay, the guy, Dawson, who allegedly has the biggest hog is that guy, Jonah Falcon.
How do you know this?
Because I was... I saw him highlighted literally on some MTV thing once. I swear I got memories from the 2002 or something. But I think his name is Jonah Falcon. He's a sort of goofy white guy. What do you want to know? I probably heard him on Howard Stern or something like that.
Widely known for the world's largest penis.
13 and a half inches erect. Right. Right. And he's just... You know, I feel this way. Hey, you know who Jonah Falcon is, Dawson? Although he's the one who measured it. Okay.
Has anyone seen it?
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of a registered sex offender running for office?
But okay. Dawson... He's our Tiger Woods because we can say, hey, brothers, I know you guys think you dominate the sport, but guess what? Guess who's got the biggest hog? White dude. How do you like me now? So anyway, I was sitting around at home. All right, here's some homework for you, Andrew. There is an announcer for the NFL.
I think it was on Thanksgiving when the NFL was playing on Thanksgiving Day on –
Chapter 8: What are the consequences of corruption in California's school system?
on Netflix. I think there, was there something Andrew over like for Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving game were on Netflix. Give me the name of the two guys who called that game. And then I'm going to tell you who has the biggest hog in the world. And I'll tell you that. All right. So we'll figure that one out. I was sitting around on Thanksgiving thinking these thoughts. So Jonah Falcon.
Chalk it up to the tryptophan. Has the biggest... I haven't had the turkey yet. Has the biggest... Well, see, it wouldn't be Tony Romo because you would remember that name.
Tony Romo.
I think it's like Iron Eagle or something like that. Yeah. What's his first name?
He dated Jessica Simpson.
I don't think it's Iron. Ian. I think his son is in there, but I don't think his son was on Thanksgiving Day. All right. Oh, okay. So who? Oh, Noah. Sorry. Noah Eagle is the guy called that game. Now, my whole thing, if Jonah Falcon has the biggest cock, then Noah Eagle has an even bigger cock. I was doing the bird math. Jim Eagle. Hog size.
So this guy, I've decided that Noah Eagle has a bigger cock than... Falcon.
How do we know this? How did you come to this?
Well, you look at a falcon. And then you look at an eagle and you go, what's the more superior bird? Falcon's nice. Falcon is a queen or a jack, but eagle's an ace. You know what I'm saying? Falcon is swift and cunning, and the eagle is just huge. He just sits on a tree. Yeah. Gant's book does not officially recognize the category of largest Venus. They don't officially recognize it.
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