S1 E44 What Women's ADHD Coaching Really Is | Self-Awareness, Shame & Why Trying Harder Doesn't Work
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What do people get wrong about ADHD coaching for women?
When we think about coaching, we're thinking about someone telling us what to do. If that's what coaching was, I wouldn't have paid for it either. There's no deficit for me when it comes to knowing what I'm supposed to do. And there never has been. I can color code with the best of them. And time management is not a foreign structure to me. Oh, always color coding. God, I love color coding. What I didn't realize was knowing and doing aren't always the same thing. today we're talking about what coaching actually is, what it isn't, and why understanding those distinctions actually matter. Because if you had asked me years ago what coaching was, I probably would have described something completely different than what I have actually experienced.
This is
is angry on the inside. I'm Jess. And I'm Janine. We're both certified ADHD coaches, but this podcast isn't coaching, which is funny because today is literally about coaching. It's still not therapy, still not medical advice. It's real, honest conversations about being women with late-diagnosed ADHD and everything that goes along with it. Take what resonates and leave the rest.
Originally, we planned to release this episode during International Coaching Week, which is hosted each year by the International Coaching Federation. That week also happened to land right in the middle of my moving spiral that I've been experiencing. The last few episodes, I've told you all about it. So that explains how this conversation got a little delayed. Coaching is one of those professions that almost everybody has an opinion about, but very few people can actually explain what coaching is. get the impression someone should be aggressively helping you organize your closet.
Or teaching you how to use a planner that you'll abandon in like 11 days.
And that's part of why I was skeptical of coaching in the beginning, because I thought I already know how to make a to-do list. I already know what I'm supposed to do.
Most women with ADHD have consumed approximately like 17 years of self-help content.
The neurodiverse are bottom of thinkers.
Why do ADHD‑diagnosed women already know what they’re ‘supposed’ to do?
We absorb content, information, and facts like the blob eating its way through Arborville. Not a case of not knowing the things. It's that knowing something and being able to access it consistently in real life, in real time, are not always the same thing.
Which is why you can know something deeply and still not do it.
No matter where you're at in your ADHD journey, you've probably experienced the assumption from others that people with ADHD don't care. Most are also getting this confused with the idea that autistics don't experience empathy, which is another falsehood for another day. But the reality is the emotional weight that we all carry due to our lived experiences and our nervous systems being rubbed raw by the time we hit our 30s You know, this is where a lot of the emotions we experience as shame come from. There was a time where I used to consider myself extremely self-aware. I could explain my procrastinations, my shutdowns, my blowups, where they were all coming from, with a very sad attempt to be very Freudian about it for many, many years.
But I truly did think I could explain myself incredibly well. A lot of late diagnosed women become very good narrators of themselves, right?
I had this rich internal narration about my own life. And I thought by verbalizing that and putting it out there and explaining this in detail to others was a way of... connecting and also experiencing my life. But what was so strange about it was that that wasn't the case. I wasn't actually feeling what was happening. I was being the narrator of my experience, but I was still very much separated from it.
Which is such a weird thing to realize, that explaining something and experiencing it are completely different skills.
Not even remotely the same, because explaining something can still keep you slightly outside of it. And honestly, still a little in control of it. Since we're rolling with honesty here, I didn't realize how attached I was to staying in control until I was in a coaching space where no one was trying to fix me.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What do people get wrong about ADHD coaching for women?
0:02–2:15
2
Why do ADHD‑diagnosed women already know what they’re ‘supposed’ to do?
2:15–5:19
3
How does self‑awareness differ from self‑connection in ADHD?
5:19–7:50
4
What are the real differences between coaching, therapy, consulting, and mentorship?
7:50–10:18
5
What actually happens in women’s ADHD coaching and what it isn’t?
10:18–13:05
6
How does over‑functioning lead to burnout and the shame spiral?
13:05–14:42
7
Why does trying harder never work for ADHD brains?
14:42–15:18
8
How can ADHD coaching help you reconnect with yourself instead of fixing yourself?
15:18–15:23
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S2 E48 Why ADHD Girls Are Still Being Missed | Louise Belshaw | Part 1
S1 E47 ADHD Women & Burnout | Why Rest Doesn't Make You Feel Better
S1 E46 ADHD Women & Borrowed Things | Why We Forget to Return Things
S1 E45 ADHD Women & Major Life Changes | Why Your Brain Needs Time to Catch Up