S1 E46 ADHD Women & Borrowed Things | Why We Forget to Return Things
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Why do ADHD women often forget to return borrowed items?
It's been twenty years and I'm pretty sure my stepdad is still convinced that I stole his bolt cutters. Why would he think that? I did borrow it. I borrowed 'em and I forgot I had it. Then he bought it back like five years later at my garage sale. Okay.
To clarify, you borrowed a tool, forgot it existed, and then sold it back to the original owner?
You're kind of being aggressively accurate, but yes, that's that's pretty much how it went down. Today, we're talking about borrowed things, forgotten items, favorite objects, and why somehow the NeuroDiverse community manages to be both the borrower and the person looking for their stuff all at the same time. This is Angry on the Inside. I'm Jess.
And I'm Janine. We're both certified ADHD coaches, but this podcast isn't coaching. It's not therapy or medical advice. It's real, honest conversations about being women with ADHD diagnosed later in life and everything that goes along with it.
Take what resonates and leave the rest. For me, I've made it a personal rule. Don't lend me anything.
I have the same rule. Don't lend me anything and I promise not to borrow anything.
Agreed. Agreed. Because nobody wins.
I think most of us we don't borrow things intending to keep them. Most of us fully intend to return them.
Life will always happen. At least ADHD will happen, which is why the bolt cutter story is real. I think that's a funny story, but I wanna know how much did he buy it back for?
And did he get a discount?
It is funny after the fact, you know, it might be offense.
What does the bolt‑cutter story reveal about urgency and forgetfulness?
That was a really hard time in our lives where like we had a garage sale for like three months straight. because I gotten laid off. I was selling pretty much anything that wasn't nailed down. And he probably paid me for it knowing I needed the money so terribly bad. But he also thought I was trying to like knowingly sell his possession because I needed the money so bad. And that's the part that makes it sad. I understand exactly what happened.
Can we start by saying something every ADHD person has said, which is I was going to. And we mean it. We mean it in that moment. We're not lying. We weren't making excuses. When we borrowed it, we fully intended to return it.
People sometimes assume that forgetting means you don't care. But for most of us, it's it's pretty much the opposite. We care so much that when we finally remember, the shame is too overwhelming. And I've found things months later and thought Oh my gosh, they're probably think I stole this. Meanwhile, I didn't even remember it existed.
Which goes back to people assume forgetting means you didn't care, which is so not true. But suddenly this tiny borrowed book has become some giant emotional burden.
That's so terrible that it is an emotional burden. Just a box. It's just bolt gutters. Honest to God, not on purpose. And it's honestly not because I'm trying to like steal somebody's things. I mean, it's embarrassing when you realize this. And this happened to me so much, especially in my like 30s, was when I like really it happened a lot and I recognized it a lot. If we did this episode 10 times in a row, I would have more than 10 different stories that lined up with the bolt cutter story, but with other people. people. There's a story about my husband's grandmother's um card table. I am so, so ashamed of and I did admit it to her. When we first moved to this house, it had this big barn and garage. And we had a garage sale when we first moved to this house and everybody's family wanted to come and sell their stuff too.
And we were like, sure, that's fine. Well, Jake's grandmother brought her card table to set up. Four years later, she's like, Hey guys, where's my card table? We're like, We don't have a card table. And she was like, No, I know you know and I'm like, No, we don't have it. Sure as shit, we moved and we cleaned out the side of this barn that had stuff in it. It was literally pushed between like two big things. There was other stuff there that wasn't ours because we were living on like a farm. We had to call and be like, we are so sorry.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
Why do ADHD women often forget to return borrowed items?
0:01–1:37
2
What does the bolt‑cutter story reveal about urgency and forgetfulness?
1:37–4:23
3
How do personal “no‑lend” rules help manage ADHD‑related borrowing?
4:23–7:53
4
Why does urgency drive borrowing but not the return of items?
7:53–11:41
5
How does emotional attachment to books and personal items affect returns?
11:41–19:50
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