Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack II
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Who are Dax Shepard and Monica Padman?
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Padman.
Hi.
Animal attacks.
These are scary.
They're always good.
Yeah.
They're always good.
Animals are not to be fucked with, you guys.
Yeah. In the past, the two stories that I'll always end up telling at a dinner party is the grizzly bear attack and the shark attack that we've heard. And I'm proud to say there's now a third attack that I've been repeating a lot that comes from this episode. Animal attack goes hard.
I know. I mean, you can't. What do we expect?
Hard, yeah.
Really good. You can't listen, but it's great.
Yeah, no. It shan't ever be listened to. Please enjoy Animal Attacks Part Something.
Oh, just two.
Oh, just two.
All right. All times come and go. Good times take them slow. My life, I had them both. But one thing you got to know. I'm going to keep on shining.
Kyle?
That's me.
What an eclectic group of shirts you have behind you.
Yeah, that's my crawfish collection.
Why are animal attack stories so thrilling?
Okay, and you're wearing those, what, on the weekend or for a specific event?
I do a crawfish boil, usually a couple times a year in spring.
Are you in Louisiana?
No, we're a little bit north of Austin.
Oh, and you're doing a crawfish boil. Is that a popular event down there?
Yeah, a lot of it's brought in from Louisiana.
They're like shrimp or like lobster or neither?
Neither. They live in swamps. I think they burrow into the ground for most of the winter and then they come up this time of year and that's when they catch them.
It's like a mud shrimp.
I've been.
Tell me about it.
They do them in the South a lot. They put it all on newspaper and then you eat it.
Oh. Yeah, we'll usually put down metal trays.
Oh, yours is fancier than the one I went to then.
So, Kyle, you have an animal attack story.
I do. This starts mid-90s. My grandparents found a baby deer on the side of the road, a fawn, and it's covered in fire ants. Not doing well. It's abandoned. They take it home. We live around the Austin area in the hill country. They've got 80 acres. They nurse it back to health. They build a high fence enclosure for this deer and his name becomes Bucky. Fast forward four years, Bucky's still there. I'm about seven. My sister's 11. And so we've grown up with Bucky around. He's a family pet.
And is he very docile? Would you go out and pet him and interact with him?
Yeah, we never go into the enclosure with him, but you could go feed him. He'd come eat out of your hand. Also important in these four years, my parents had just gotten divorced. This is a combination of my dad and my grandparents live on the same property. So when me and my sister are at my dad's house, he's outnumbered. He sends us to go feed Bucky. His enclosure is about 150 yards away from the house. So me and my sister walk up there and we're throwing bread through there. And as we'd walked up there, the family dog's in tow, Jasmine.
And can I quickly ask, has Bucky now got antlers and is he 200 pounds? Like how big is Bucky and how formidable has he become?
He's got an eight point rack. He's pretty good size. Yeah. Okay. We're feeding him through the fence. We kind of toss him through. It's just like a six inch metal square fence. And as we're throwing one, it hits the fence and falls. Jasmine, the family dog, she runs up there to grab a piece. And I leaned down to stop her. This is the end of October. And so that's important because deer are in rut. They're baiting and that's when they're all fired up. So as I go down to stop the dog, I don't know if he thinks I'm an opponent or he's not happy with the dog, but he leans forward and hits the fence. So I stand up and I touch my head. My hand comes down. It's solid red. I'm seven years old. So I have these bright, vivid memories of sections of this.
And I look at my sister and she just lets out this scream that I can still hear today. We go running to the house. And so I know my dad's working in the driveway. Tears are in my face and I can barely see the house. He comes out. He meets us halfway, grabs me, throws me in the truck, and he gives me a hand towel full of ice to hold on there. And it's about 25 minutes to the emergency room.
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